Find out what is best for me to do. How to understand what you want from life and find yourself

For starters, don't worry about money. Sometimes you will have to start this way in order to get some important connections before you get the job. You can start looking for freelance jobs online to build a portfolio if necessary. Or go around the neighborhood letting everyone try the great pie you made if you like to bake. You have to tell people what you can do and that you are good at it.

• Remember, you want to make the best first impression (every time), so treat everyone well and give it your all without thinking about making money just yet.

Let everyone know that you want to work. You have to talk to the people around you about what you want to do and tell them that you are willing to do it for them if they ever need it. For example, if you love to cook, tell everyone about it and also tell them that if they ever throw a party, you will be willing to help them with the cooking.

Start with the little things. To begin with, don’t expect to become the boss of thousands of people right away. You have to be realistic and understand that in the beginning you will have to do some things you don't really like and that you will have to work for next to no money, but it will be worth it. For example, if you love writing and your favorite thing to write about is fashion, but someone offers you money to write an article about sports, do it. Give your best effort. We are all starting something. This may lead you in the right direction and perhaps you will meet someone who can help you.

Most mature adults ask questions about their purpose. The prerequisites for this are unrealized ideas and a person “crushed” by his parents in childhood. What to do with your life? Any child will easily answer this question that he, for example, wants to become an astronaut or a military man, and an adult, in turn, will be confused and will not be able to give an affirmative answer. This is due to the fact that children have a more clear idea of ​​what they want from life.

Factors that prevent a person from deciding what to do in life

"Who do I want to be? What do I want out of life? Why can't I understand what my main purpose is?" There are a lot of questions, and they are all related to the fact that a person is unable, for some reason, to fully understand himself and his feelings and desires. This may be due to a number of social and psychological factors Everyday life individual, personal qualities, habits and social circle.

Diffidence

Constant barriers that stand between a person and his goal in the form of doubts and uncertainty provoke suppression of the desire to realize his unrealized potential. “Will I be able to? What if I don’t succeed?” Sometimes the cultivation of insecurity occurs at the stage of growing up, where the individual first encounters failures, misunderstandings and lack of support from loved ones. Doubts about own strength significantly impede not only the implementation of plans, but also a person’s personal growth.

Features of the educational process

All our successes and failures, addictions, fears and dreams come from childhood. Most parents, not listening to the wishes of their children, instill skills and abilities that are completely unusual for them. For example, a child, when asked “What do you want to do in life?” answers that he wants to be an artist. His answer is perceived by his parents as something unrealistic, something that will not bring any material wealth or career growth. As a result, the child encounters complete misunderstanding on the part of adults, and his potential becomes unrealized.

However, there are also cases when parents try to organize their child’s leisure time as much as possible, forcing him to develop comprehensively. Of course, an adult who has knowledge about various fields of activity will be able to achieve a lot, but in most cases the person still does not know what to do because he forgets his original desires and aspirations.

Environment

Stewardship, a kind of herd instinct, sometimes blinds a person to his true capabilities and abilities. For example, several people from close circles enter the same college/institute/university and pull the person along with them. With certain personal qualities, he will not be able to resist. The result of studying without any special desire, and so “for the company”, is the choice of the wrong profession, the wrong job. As a result, an acute lack of positive emotions develops, work becomes routine, and a person, living a boring, gray life, begins to ask the question: “What should I do in life in order to regain satisfaction from my own activities?” But he does not find an answer, because his “I” has already deeply hidden the capabilities and talents of a person, so as not to resist his choice.

Stereotypes

Each person has his own opinion about what happiness should be. But some agree on one thing: happy man- this is the one who has achieved everything in life, who lives without denying himself anything. People’s stereotypes have so developed that without material wealth, no one can consider themselves successful and accomplished. In this regard, a person, in his desire to understand what to do in life, more often strives to get rich, to become someone whose material possibilities are practically limitless, rather than to develop spiritually. No, this is not bad at all, but it is worth considering that money cannot bring full release of potential, since each of us is individual. For example, a person who is more inclined to creativity (drawing, singing, playing the musical instruments and so on) is often not endowed with a certain commercial spirit, which brings all his attempts to achieve material well-being to naught.

"What do I want to do with my life?" The problem with this question is that not everyone is able to sort it out own desires and dreams. Most people lack specificity in defining purpose. Most often this is due to urgent needs, the satisfaction of which comes first. Here, an adult can be compared with a teenager, guided by the desires and preferences of parents, relatives and friends. What is the best thing to do in life - the answer lies in the subconscious of each individual; for this you need to ask yourself motivational questions:

• What values ​​are prerogative in your life (no more than three)?
• Achieving what goals is important to you at the moment (no more than three)?
• What do you like to do?
• What would you like to do if you found out that you have six months to live?
• What is your most cherished dream that was not realized due to fear of failure?
• Where would you spend a large amount of money won from the lottery/lotto/poker?
• What dream would you pursue if you were 100% sure of success?

Development of intuition

By developing intuitive abilities, in the future you will be able to listen to your own subconscious, which gives us hints and the right answers. Then, understanding what to do in life will not be a problem for you - you can easily determine your calling and begin direct activities.

Books

Reading is something that people do in their lives in almost every social class. Books are a great way to understand yourself. Read as much as possible, but not everything. Be selective in your choice of literature, take into account your preferences. There is no need to force yourself to master complex works - this way you will develop a dislike for reading books.

Systematization

Making lists will help you decide what to do in life. For example: shopping list, planning the day. Systematize desires, attitudes towards people and things, work and hobbies. List of your positives, negative qualities, as well as skills and abilities, will allow you to understand what occupation is best for you to do, in what field to work.

Responsibility

Know how to take responsibility for your actions without blaming loved ones, the government and society as a whole for your failures. Responsibility allows you to realize that life and the choices you make depend only on you, which means that only you can know how to act correctly in a particular matter. What should you do in life? First of all, learn to organize yourself and your activities.

Right choice

In any situation, rely on your own subconscious. Do you want to understand whether the right choice was made? Close your eyes and mentally imagine that the person who is now next to you is not there. Did you feel good or bad? This will be the correct answer. Visualize the consequences of your choice - this will help you avoid irreparable mistakes.

Pause

Pausing before making a life-changing decision allows you to think things through more carefully. You should not act based only on emotions and momentary impulses - this is fraught with a negative outcome, regrets and uncertainty about future achievements. Do you want to change your job? Weigh the pros and cons, consider the outcome of your actions.

Exercises to Reveal Hidden Potential

Thanks to classes, you can easily determine your true purpose. Various psychological techniques are often difficult to use, so it’s easier to use visualization of plans, desires and future actions. This does not require additional skills or knowledge - everything is very simple, you just need a blank sheet of paper, a pen or pencil and a little patience.

Extract and analysis of hobbies, favorite activities

Relax and think about what activities you know that you enjoy the most. Write down at least 20 known species hobbies or professions. For example: floriculture, playing the piano, writing articles, dancing, sports, cooking, etc. Analyze the finished list, write next to each item the time you devote (are ready to devote) to this or that type of activity during each day, as well as your preferences in the form of advantages.

Take a close look at your list. Near one (several) points you can see the largest number of advantages and time - this is your unrealized destiny.

Visualization of material well-being

Imagine that your life has changed dramatically, and now, in order to provide for yourself or your family, you no longer need to sit all day in an office, stand at a machine in a factory, run around with a courier bag - in general, you don’t need to work. A bank account has been opened in your name with a round sum, which is enough for a long, comfortable existence, and your children study at a prestigious academy. Introduced? Now think about what you would do if you had a lot of free time and material wealth. All possible options record it on paper and analyze it. Your further actions are the beginning of working on yourself in this particular type of activity.

Who am i? Everyone around you says that you need to “be yourself.” But what does this really mean?

The only way to truly become yourself is to know yourself on a deep, intuitive level. A person is not equivalent to his profession, family status, or the labels that society might place on him. The True Self is deeper than all these many layers. Getting to know yourself is also understanding what kind of activity will actually bring joy and not be a burden. Let's look at ways that will help you get to the bottom of this truth and answer the question - how to understand what you want to do in life?

Think for a moment: what gives you the most joy in life?

What do you really enjoy doing? Start making a list that can include any items - starting with the pleasure of good night and ending with watching cartoons. Expand this list to include not only activities, but also feelings. For example, “I like to look at a sleeping child.” By looking at it, you can more accurately get a picture of your preferences and needs, understand yourself, and also determine what type of activity will bring you maximum satisfaction.

What are your talents?

There is no need to say that you are deprived of God or nature. Every person has gifts. Just to find them, sometimes you need to dig a little deeper. Maybe you're good at crafts for the home, or you can quickly solve Sudoku crossword puzzles. Another way to discover your talents is to ask yourself: What do I like to learn new things about? What am I known among my friends?

Create an alternative definition of yourself.

This method will help speed up the process of personal growth many times over. Instead of calling yourself a “smoker,” use the term “anti-smoker.” bad habit" “Unsuccessful with girls” should be replaced with the expression “relaxed in the presence of women's company boy".

At first, this process may resemble self-deception. This reaction of the subconscious is absolutely normal. Try to use this method for thirty days. During this period, refuse to use old names, persistently repeating new ones. After a maximum of thirty days, your subconscious will be forced to accept the new truth, and it will become real to it.

Make a list of your positive qualities and use them as affirmations.

How to understand what you want from life? First of all, this understanding requires a foundation - a positive attitude towards oneself. This list should include at least ten items. They must be repeated along with the affirmation that it is safe to be yourself. For example, such affirmations may sound like this: “It’s safe to be Catherine. I am a cheerful, smart, cheerful, healthy, rich, creative person. My qualities help me achieve all my goals.”

Talk to your 99-year-old self.

Imagine this conversation with yourself at this advanced age, still in excellent health. Ask any questions you may have. They could be something like: “What knowledge would you like to impart to me? Where should I focus my efforts at this time? What things can I do that can impact my life the most right now?

Every person is unique. And each of us has our own unique mission on this earth. When people accept this truth, it becomes easier for them to accept themselves as they are, and also to accept other people. External influence, which will strive to draw the line between who you are and who you want to become, will always be there. Try to follow these five guidelines, find your own ways, and you will never lose yourself.

I grew up in a society where it was difficult to want something special, and to find clues on how to understand what you want from life? Instead of self-expression in clothes - a school uniform.

Instead of a menu, we have a set lunch, and at home we eat what we managed to “get.” We read the program, vote unanimously, remember that Onegin (had he lived to that moment) would definitely have ended up on Senate Square. We quote the leaders, we enter the institute that our parents have chosen or where we have acquaintances.

The established order collapsed, and people's desires remained stereotyped and poor. Women are tormented by the dream of making a career or making themselves a skilled housewife. Men want to get rich here and immediately, so that after forty they can allow themselves to forget about work and do what they love. Secret desires come true, but the most exciting things begin to happen after the treasured fruit falls into your hands...

I found myself in a similar situation about nine years ago. I remember well the day my husband and I moved to Vacation home. I dreamed so much about family, children and own home. My wishes came true, but I was sitting in the car in the yard, looking at the windows behind which members of my family were flashing, and did not want to budge. I felt sad and dreamed of slowly escaping. Like the heroine of the movie “The Hours,” who disappeared one day, leaving her husband with two small children. Decades later, her son found her. He really wanted to know what mom had been doing all these years. What turned out to be more important to her than children? Do you know what the heroine answered? “I read,” she said, “I left you and went to a university town in northern Canada, got a job as a librarian and lived quietly.” Day after day enjoying silence and reading.

Do you know the feeling that you are not living your life?

Have you felt like a student who studied all night for a philosophy exam and did not show up for it, because all exams in the world are relative and, by and large, meaningless?
I think we go through an identity crisis about once every ten years, and we ask ourselves, how do you figure out what you want from life? Now I’m no longer afraid when I feel like I’m living someone else’s life, doing something wrong, or getting irritated. When this wave hits me, I find free time, carefully look at the landscape outside the window of my house or apartment in order to “ground myself” and feel in the present, and begin to dream. I ask myself, what would my ideal life be like today? What would your ideal self be like? How would this ideal self feel?

I don’t know how to tune myself to a planned list of goals, but I always trust the desired feelings more. I like to ask myself two questions:

• What three trifles will bring me pleasure and a pleasant mood today?
• What three meaningless trifles will I do this week for similar feelings?
• Actions and feelings always go together, and you don’t notice how you change.

I dreamed of running away. I wanted change. For the sake of how to understand what you want to do in life? I was terrified by the thought that I should grow old and die in this house. I’m generally a terrible coward and a lover of thinking about the eternal. But, you must admit, deciding to divorce when you have two small children is not easy. The child is half mom and half dad. It’s difficult to explain to him that now we will live separately, because being together is no longer possible for me. However, it is possible. You need it to save yourself.

Do you know why many people don't change?

Why are some people terrified of changing the usual course of things? “I’m already twenty-six, it’s too late for me to change anything,” they say. “Ah, I always dreamed of becoming a doctor, but it took so long to study for it, and I’m almost forty, ah...”. “The boss is, of course, a tyrant, but the salary is paid regularly, otherwise he would have organized his own business long ago”...

Change is truly dangerous. They endanger more than just what we really want to get rid of. Change also threatens what is dear to us. Without guaranteeing anything. Walking the beaten path may be dreary, but it is simple. If something happens, you can always nod towards your parents, traditions, times (it must be emphasized) and say that you would have done everything differently, but these terrible circumstances did not allow you to take a step on your own.

Now imagine that you have changed your usual track for a road with a sign “how to understand what you want from life?” There is no confidence that it will lead to your dream. Moreover, by experimenting on yourself, you endanger the usual life of your loved ones and friends. It will probably be difficult to admit to yourself that this thin, barely noticeable path is your fateful choice. Not the wide red carpet of the Oscars, desired by many, but a narrow strip, on which there is no one else except you. Most likely, other people's judgment and misunderstanding await you. But the main thing is not to rush headlong after a new idea, but to weigh your strength, health, willingness to work hard, as well as the ability to refuse when an undertaking does not lead to personal values.

There was a moment when I seriously figured out what came first: do I have high expenses and therefore have to work a lot? Or, do I allow myself to spend a lot so that I have to work a lot and hide about myself? Reminds me of the centipede's thoughts about the 24th and 39th legs. To figure it out, I kept a diary. I wrote down expenses, income and my feelings at these moments. Written text and analyzing oneself through it is an interesting topic. I will write about it in detail someday.

However, I am sure that at the first stage of change you need the support of a specialist, not a diary. Get ready for the fact that your immediate surroundings will do their best to hold back changes in you and lead you away from understanding what you want to do in life. This is normal: any system opposes changes that threaten its integrity. Besides, if awareness of one's desires were the path to happiness, it would become a new religion.

Finding out the truth about yourself is unpleasant and scary.

Therefore, only brave people come to understand themselves. At first, spiritual development will go smoothly. But exactly until the moment when the understanding arises that the cause of all one’s own troubles and misfortunes is guess who? Look in the mirror - get acquainted!..

It's time to give up moving along the path of awareness. Because those who go further in the direction of “how to understand what you want from life?” are again in for bad news. Understanding that things are even worse than you thought at the beginning of the journey. Moreover, you continue to step on the same rake, the size, color and weight of which you already regularly analyze. You even begin to remember where and under what circumstances the rake attacks you, but you still don’t have time to pull your leg away. Only the bravest ones do not stop at this stage.

And only on next stage changes begin. You finally managed to say “no” for the first time to work on Saturday and the temptation to eat three desserts in a row. They opened the lid of the piano, which they had not thought about since they graduated from music school in the seventh grade. You even insisted and stayed home on the weekend. Instead of going to my mother-in-law’s dacha as usual. This is the happiness of realizing your desires, you managed to think and immediately encountered new problem- dissatisfaction of loved ones. They demand your old self back. They don't want to accept changes in your favor.

Sometimes the blackmail is so strong that many people decide “I’ve had my fun and that’s enough. Only crazy people, children and moths can be happy, but I am normal.”

What prize awaits the madmen who still dare to move on?

Once a person passes the point of no return, when he cannot live without changes, he likes them! The fear of the unknown doesn’t even stop me. My own life begins, “my” life, not invented by parents, teachers, husband or colleagues, with the awareness of “who you want to become in life.” And the desire to return to “unconsciousness” never arises.

Understanding yourself is a way to become a human being, and not just a living being driven by instincts and passions.

It must be said that even brave people often come to the path of awareness in a roundabout way. Through the children: “I don’t understand, doctor, what’s happening to the child. He suddenly began to study poorly and cries at night, but the neuropathologist didn’t make a diagnosis and sent him to you.” Through business: “You know, coach, the problem is my employees. They can't handle anything without my help." The threat of divorce or mysterious symptoms: “My husband always...”, “... and then I became covered in red spots, just like now.”

Even brave people find it unusual and scary to admit that they can’t cope with something, don’t understand something. Asking for help and accepting it is not easy. Paradoxical as it may sound, illness helps to find the answer to the question “how to understand what you want from life?” For example, when I am involved in manipulation, my stomach starts to hurt. I might be happy not to notice my participation as a stranger in the performance, but no. Sometimes I even ask my stomach for advice. For example, I listen to my feelings in it while talking with a person or reading a commercial proposal.

The body, including the stomach, doesn’t lie, but the mind and head really can. If the family does not notice the child’s characteristics, and instead of developing the rudiments of abilities, they dump their expectations on the fragile consciousness, the child simply becomes deaf to his own desires and begins to “desire” others’. There is no point in condemning the adult generation: at one time no one took their opinion into account either. Now they are trying to make up for lost time with their children. And now the potential pilot “plays” the piano that his father dreamed of. And the poet in his soul understands the basics of marketing, because “mom said” that it is promising.

However, living other people's desires is not so bad.

The real torment happens when a child is reprimanded or ridiculed for expressing real dreams. Then, every time we feel “our” desire, we simultaneously experience burning shame. The feeling is unbearable. There are few daredevils who are ready to take the risk of exploring what else is there next to shame.

One of my friends was able to find himself searching for “how to understand what you want from life,” with the help of notes about what makes him feel fear, shame, resentment, envy, and anger. It turned out that true dreams were overwhelmed by these emotions. Envy arises for what we ourselves want to receive. The carefree laughter of a young couple in transport or on the street makes us angry, because we haven’t allowed ourselves this kind of thing for a long time, although we want to. Detailed analysis discomfort helps you understand your dreams! Personally, I wrote out for a month, which makes me feel annoyed, a feeling of envy and to prick someone with devaluation.

The result is an interesting and unexpected list. It turns out that I devalued women who know how to get comfortable not through sweat and sleepless nights, but by adapting (this is humiliating!). I didn’t value family at all (of course, you can break your heart again) and envied bright people in public professions (for recognition and the luxury of being yourself, you have to endure dislike and envy). The most unexpected thing I discovered was the desire to draw. As a child, I spent a lot of time with pencils and paints. I even looked for tutorials myself. It’s interesting that later at school I was “lucky” to study not just with an art teacher, but with a real artist. She came up during the lesson, without explaining anything, made a couple of brush strokes, and the drawing came to life. Like magic. It’s a pity that Olga Vasilievna did not explain what the secret of mastery is. So the students began to believe that the ability to draw is a gift that is available to very few. Like a peacock's tail - it's either there or it's not.

Then after school, in search of how to understand what you want to become in life, for many years I dreamed of starting to draw, but for a long time I forbade myself even to buy an album and watercolors. Time flew by. And last summer I said to myself: you are thirty-six years old, you still dream of drawing, maybe it’s time to allow yourself to stain paper with paints? That’s how I got into right-hemisphere drawing courses.
Perhaps you have heard of them? The author of a popular technique teaches adults and children in a matter of hours, not even to draw, but that everyone can draw. Using simple techniques that are shown and explained literally “on your fingers.” No one promised to make Van Gogh or Matisse out of me, but now I can quite tolerably depict what comes to mind.

No miracles happen during classes. Apart from the fact that it’s a miracle that painters understand: this is how they prime the canvas, this is how they mix the paints, this technique will allow me to paint a flowering meadow, but using this technique it’s easy to depict the sea.
Of course, there is no limit to perfection, but skills and explanations on your fingers help you realize the most important thing - everyone can draw.

During the right-hemisphere drawing lesson, I realized that in the same way at my seminars I explain “on my fingers” how to learn to write. I also don’t promise that after two classes you will discover the talent of Chekhov or Pushkin, but I can teach you how to choose a topic, draw up a plan, and come up with a plot. At least you can write any article or letter without any problems.
I think the most valuable thing they teach in such courses is the system step-by-step actions, knowledge decomposed into molecules, as well as confidence that I can do it. Even without any claims to genius. Drawing and text are the same way of self-expression as dancing or renovating an apartment according to your own design project. This is the embodiment of oneself in the material. The ability to leave your mark.

Now I thought that, yes, I spent valuable time on ordinary drawing. But I realized that I still like to color more than to paint my own picture, due to a lack of skill. What prompted me is that I still have high demands on myself, instead of allowing myself to be natural and mediocre. An episode from the play “If you don’t have to write, don’t write.” I know people who do this, and are even proud of it!

It’s interesting that what I’ve been thinking about most lately is that real change begins when you refuse to change.

It may sound strange. :) But when I read long, overly (in my opinion) informatively charged texts, I cannot even get to the middle. I have the impression that the author is talking himself and me down. When there are many words, many feelings are suppressed. I want to shake off the signs and spaces. I immediately remember a meeting with a Spanish entrepreneur. A few months ago he showed me his office and was glad that hard work now allowed him to do his favorite thing - sculpture. All my friend's sculptures are heads. Male and female. One of them is called “love”. This is the head of a girl on the back of whose head is a vagina. I looked at the sculptures, then at the sculptor, who seemed to have only a beautiful thoroughbred profile, and could not restrain himself, asking: “Do you live only with your head? Thoughts? Is the body more of a burden?” The programmer-sculptor was embarrassed, but nodded in the affirmative.

I wanted to write a short text about how to understand what you want from life, and the ability to distinguish between your own and other people’s desires, but I wrote an awful lot. I'd better go for a run now. Will you join us?