Why the husband does not want to work psychology. Options for solving an established problem

It would seem that you are lucky in life, your beloved husband is a caring and sensitive, conscientious and responsible person, a wonderful father. But for some reason, at one point he decided to end his work and sit firmly on his favorite sofa.

Catastrophe! After all, it is the man who should be the breadwinner in the family! And he wants to put this heavy burden on his wife! How to be in this situation?

Everything else in family life wife is completely satisfied. Bring the matter to a divorce or try to change something? To force the husband to work or to make him a good householder?

At first, any wife will amuse herself with thoughts that her husband is simply unlucky, he cannot find a profitable business to his liking. But these are all empty excuses. If a man constantly insists that in one place they pay little, in another organization he will have to travel on business trips, and in a third company he will not be able to realize all his professional skills, then he simply does not want to strain himself and provide for his family.

The situation is exacerbated when the wife's income is sufficient to live comfortably. Why bother when there is enough in the house? It is very difficult to force such men to find a job.

Let's say you realize that your husband is not going to work. What to do next? Think about it together. Start with a simple conversation. No need to make scandals, persuade him, issue ultimatums. They won't change anything.

In this case, load your husband with homework, which is always enough. Every evening a delicious dinner will be waiting for you, a clean apartment, clean linen. Happy children will do their homework under the strict guidance of their father. Is it bad? Especially if it suits both spouses. You will simply switch the roles of earner and housewife with each other.

It is possible that after a while your husband will get tired of the work of a housewife, he will express a desire to return to his usual labor activity.

But the situation could get out of control. A huge amount of free time always discourages people. Do you have to get up early tomorrow? Great, you can go out of town with friends or have a beer in a bar. If such cases begin to repeat, then you need to sound the alarm. A man from a householder will quickly turn into a freeloader, skipping his wife's money.

What to do? Definitely - to drive the guy to work. Let him change jobs every month or periodically hack. Don't get involved. It's better than sitting on a woman's neck.

Yes, the situation is not easy. If you value your family, then look for a way out together. You will succeed! Good luck!

Starting a joint family life, the vast majority of women believe that a man will be the main breadwinner. And often things turn out that way. However, there are couples in which the main income is provided by a woman. If this happens on her initiative and suits both spouses, there is no problem. But what if a woman is forced to become the "financial head of the family" because her husband is out of work and seems to be quite satisfied with life? How to make a husband work and earn?

If this situation is painfully close and familiar to you, we advise you to read this article. From it you will learn:

1. What type is your man?
2. what to do if the husband does not want to work;
3. what "pitfalls" you can expect on the way to solving the problem;
4. in which cases it is possible to act, and in which it is useless.
5. Finally, we will point out the reasons that most often lead to a lack of initiative in men's job search.

"Carefree unemployed" - psychology about the classification of unemployed men

To determine the right course of action, you need to understand exactly what your husband is like. After a series of studies, psychologists have found that men who do not want to work belong to one of 5 types. It:

• Misanthrope.
• Melancholic.
• Sissy.
• Careful.
• Narcissus.

"Misanthrope", he is "Unsociable". Such a guy does not want to work not because he is lazy - he simply does not like people. Yes, it happens! The reasons are psychological trauma, character traits and just temperament. Such a man suffers physically and emotionally, being surrounded by colleagues at work. They are not only unpleasant to him, but rather the need for constant communication annoys him. He does not need it, he is completely self-sufficient and is not going to let "extra" people into his life.

Unfortunately, misanthropes do not try to hide their feelings either. For this they are not loved, and they often turn out to be "pariahs" with the appropriate attitude. Of course, this does not add to the man's desire to go to work. Therefore, he subconsciously (or consciously) begins to want to be fired and successfully creates a suitable situation. In some cases (for example, the management does not want to lose such a valuable employee), the misanthrope leaves on his own, without explanation.

"Melancholic". He is also a "Romantic Sentimentalist". it sensitive type a man who is extremely painful for all his previous failures. Including professional ones. Most of them react sharply to any criticism and comments from management. Because of the biased attitude towards people, it is difficult to find mutual language with work colleagues.

Even when they get into a good team, they themselves can “wind up” themselves to such an extent with the imaginary hostility of employees that they will feel “in the enemy camp”. Because of all of the above, they rarely stay in one place and each time they are more reluctant to look for a new job. We are sure that life is unfair to them and “I still won’t succeed.”

"Sissy" aka "Eternal Child". An infantile type, accustomed to the fact that his mother (or parents) does everything for him. Having stepped into adulthood, he begins to expect the same from his wife.

There are two reasons for this behaviour:

1. Overprotective in childhood. His mother did not give him freedom, preferring to force him to do what she considered best for him. Such upbringing breaks the will and destroys the initiative. To adulthood such a man turns out to be absolutely unprepared - he needs a reliable shoulder on which he can lean. As a rule, this shoulder belongs to his wife.
2. In the indulgence of all desires. Your man in childhood was spoiled beyond measure, fulfilling every whim and not demanding anything in return. Growing up, the “Eternal Child” is sure that he will get everything anyway, and for free and immediately. It is out of the question to independently earn for a decent life, as well as to consider the answer to the question of how much a man should earn. Especially if parents continue to financially take care of their overage child, regularly giving him money.

"Careful". He lives by the principle: "You need to think carefully so as not to make a mistake." The most interesting thing is that such men really rarely make mistakes - because they do practically nothing. The root cause lies in the lack of confidence in own forces and the fear of committing right action. Usually this comes from childhood, when parents scolded the child for the slightest fault and did not praise for the right actions (“Why?! Doesn’t he understand himself?”).

As a result, a smart and hardworking man is simply afraid to commit another “stupidity” and pay for it with moral experiences. Therefore, its potential workplace often given to a less experienced, but more confident and ambitious competitor.

"Narcissus". There are very few people who make good money among such “handsome men”. The motto for life is “I am smarter than everyone in the world, more beautiful and more valuable than everyone!”. Absolutely sure of this, even if the situation is exactly the opposite. He considers himself an extra-class professional, to which the rest have yet to grow and grow. Therefore, they often fail to cope with their duties and lose their jobs. Not doubting that he was underestimated, he goes to look for another, preferably a leader. Thanks to his self-confidence, he does it quickly enough and ... also quickly loses.

As a result, he comes to the “objective” conclusion that “all fools envy me too.” Therefore, there is no point in looking for a job: anyway, they will not understand him and will not appreciate the full depth of professionalism. After that, with a clear conscience, he falls on the sofa with a newspaper or sits down to play computer games, leaving his wife to solve financial issues herself.

Only extreme need will expel the “Misanthropes” for ordinary work. Therefore, they are prone to irregular earnings. If your spouse is in this category, encourage them to find remote work. Freelancing is gaining momentum and high earnings on the Internet are by no means a myth.

In the case when your spouse has "golden hands", he may well work for himself as a private entrepreneur. Or come to grips with farming: grow on personal plot popular berry and fruit crops, poultry or animals. All this brings good money. In general, there are a lot of options.

"Melancholic" vital regular praise and moral support. Do you want to know how to make your husband earn money? Praise him, often say what a smart, capable and independent person he is. Recall his past achievements and do not let us "roll" into a discussion of failures and shortcomings. And NEVER make fun of your mistakes. He already knows everything perfectly, and your reproaches may well become the “last straw” in which he will finally “drown”.

Do you feel like you're not stretching? This is fine. In this case, try to convince your husband to go to a psychologist - a professional psychological help would be a huge plus. As soon as a man gets a job, you will again have to cheer and inspire him as needed.

The only condition is not to turn into a "mommy" for your husband. Having got used to this role, you can lose your spouse who has gained confidence (at your expense, by the way!) Be loved by him and desired woman strong, but in need of protection and support.

With the "Eternal Child" tactics are different. To make a man work, he needs to be constantly instilled with the idea that he is an adult, independent person who has a great responsibility (your family). And he is quite capable of dealing with it. Besides:

• Tell your husband more often that he is reliable and responsible, that in difficult situations you can always count on him.
• Gently mention how much more opportunities your family would have when extra money appeared in the budget. Tell beautifully what you plan to spend the earned money on, of course, taking into account the interests of your husband.

Important! Do not insult a man, reproaching him for his inability to find a job! Most likely, he will close in on himself and it will become much more difficult to “reach out” to him.

With husbands - "Cautious" you need to act decisively. But for this you will have to delve a little into the scope of its activities. This is the only way you can describe all the benefits new job(as a rule, he always has 2-3 employment options in mind). Be sure to say that he is an excellent specialist with great potential and will successfully cope with the duties assigned to him.

Why doesn't the husband want to work? He is only afraid of "not justifying". Try to explain in a softer way that mistakes are part of life. And NOBODY is safe from them. It is NORMAL and NATURAL to be wrong at times. And this is not a sentence, as they tried to inspire him in childhood. If you do everything right, the spouse will very quickly receive Good work. Be prepared for the fact that an already employed man may need psychological support.

In the case of Narcissus, the advice is cruel, but unambiguous - do not indulge his desires and weaknesses. This means that you need to stop supporting this parasite at your own expense. Even if the wife earns more husband. wants to eat not only vegetable soup, porridge and bread? Let him look for work and earn money for sausage, cheese, meat and butter. Was it embarrassing to walk around in old jeans and a T-shirt? Nobody bothers to find a job and dress in fashion boutiques. Want to drink beer with friends or go fishing? No problem! But only for their earned money, and not for yours.

And remember, such a man will start looking for a job in one single case - if he really loves you. It's useless to force him.

If all actions come down to phone calls and promises “tomorrow I will definitely do it” - be sure that you will still bring money to the family alone. And the attitude towards you will be like a wallet and a “comfortable woman”. If this scenario does not suit you, it is better to leave.

What do you need to be prepared for?

Faced with her husband's unwillingness to work and starting to do something, a woman may find herself face to face with frankly unpleasant things. Do not be afraid to find out with which ones, because “forewarned is forearmed!”. So:

1. You yourself are to blame for the fact that your husband does not earn enough money. Most insecure women do their best to get love and gratitude from a man. All means are used: delicious food, sex, cleanliness in the house and protection of the beloved spouse from all discomfort. Including work. " Nothing, I can do everything myself, but my husband will not leave me anywhere! After all, I do everything for him"! Such a wife thinks something like this, working hard at 2 jobs, rubbing the floor in the apartment to a shine, ironing her husband's own shirt and stirring truffle julienne with Roquefort cheese. And then he sincerely does not understand why he left her and went to the “bow-legged misunderstanding”, on which he happily “plows from morning to night, can you imagine ?!”, and even wears it in his arms. And that's why he left because he was tired of feeling like a pet, and not an adult, independent man!
2. Your husband doesn't love you - he's just using you. This is painful and unpleasant to realize, especially if you have lived with him for many years, and you have common children. How is it found out? Very simple: this man does not want to work. He wants to sit on your neck, whine, shout and even beat (sometimes this happens). He also doesn’t want to get off her - they feed, dress, “walk” into the light. Get used to it, after all. If, despite your best efforts, a man is still unemployed, consider why? Most likely, he does not consider it necessary to work for you. In his opinion, you are not worth the sacrifice. Now think - why do you need such a man?
3. Most likely, his relatives will take up arms against you. The classic situation with the husbands "Daffodils" and "Mama's sons." Still, because you encroached on the sacred! Force your beloved child to work! Be prepared for attacks and even intrigues. Here you will need the support of your husband.
4. You have to show character. Pity is a bad adviser, and an assistant from it is even worse. Do not feel sorry for a man in the usual sense of the word: you are doing him a disservice. Your pity will turn him either into a "scumbag" incapable of stable earnings, or into a tyrant. You will find yourself guilty and, as practice shows, most likely alone.
5. And another unpleasant "surprise" can await women who want to know how to make a man earn more: the inability to organize a budget. And women's incompetence. The husband just earns a normal amount of money, but the wife literally squanders them on nonsense, demanding more and more.

We really hope that our article will help you find the right decision in a situation with unemployed husbands and get out of it with least loss. After all, building relationships is not easy and sometimes you need to take certain risks and sacrifices. But if there are sincere and deep feelings- all this pays off many times over and only strengthens mutual affection and respect.

There are three main reasons why a man is unemployed:

He never worked after graduation;

He was fired from his job to cut staff;

The husband himself quit his job for some reason, for example, poor working conditions or a small salary.

If this happened when the couple is already married, then you will have to look for joint ways out, but if the marriage is just ahead, then you should think about whether you need to marry an unemployed person.

If the husband is temporarily unemployed, the problem is easily solved, but if the spouse does not work and the days pass, adding up into weeks, weeks into months, and nothing changes, then the situation becomes critical. Even if you save on the most necessary, you still have to pay for utilities, buy food and clothes. Of course, when a spouse is actively looking for work, looks through vacancies, sends out resumes and does not refuse temporary extra money, then you need to be patient and just wait, but if the husband sleeps as much as he likes, spends all day watching TV or a computer, then you need to take the situation into women's hands.

First of all, you need to talk with your husband, ask him about success in finding a job, about new vacancies, about plans for the future, etc. It is imperative to touch on the topic of the family budget, talk about the fact that there is a catastrophic lack of money, and that his salary will allow the family to live much better. We can say that things are a little worse at your work than before, for example, there is a threat of staff cuts, salary cuts or unpaid leave, most often this will be a guide to action for a man. Be sure to choose the right motivation, you can say that something will be bought into the house, you can change or buy a car, some equipment or tools for your husband, and so on.

If no persuasion, motivation and heart-to-heart conversations help, then you need to act radically:

Firstly, it is necessary to monitor daily which vacancies the husband viewed, where he sent his resume, you can quietly view the browser history and email to find out if the husband was looking for a job at all;

Secondly, you can blame your husband all homework: if he is at home, then let him wash, iron, teach lessons with children, cook food - this will give a man an understanding that the life of a housewife is not so joyful;

Thirdly, when sending a husband to the store, you can give him a strictly fixed amount of money, and upon returning ask for a check.

If this does not help, then you can start to slowly nag your husband, for the lack of lunch, for unverified lessons, for a full trash can, and so on. Some women refuse their spouse intimacy, it is possible, of course, but it will be more expensive for themselves. I would like to finish with the following, if the husband does not work all the time, but does not refuse temporary extra money to bring at least some money to the family, the situation is fixable, it’s another matter if the husband is lazy and generally refuses any work, then it might be better to leave ? Parting and divorce is always hard, but think about it, are you ready to carry your family and husband all your life and turn from a woman into such a workhorse?

Sometimes women have to deal with the fact that the husband does not work and does not bring any income. Well, if these are temporary difficulties, and he is in search of work. But it often happens that a man is not going to look for a job, even if his wife is pregnant or on maternity leave. In such a situation, the wife has a question how to make a man work. You need to act on the basis of his psychological type.

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Why does the man not want to work?

The most common reasons why a man does not want to work include the following:

• A person prefers to live at the expense of others. This category is called gigolos. They fall in love with women who can support them. If such a candidate met, then it is practically impossible to make him work. It is easier for him to find a new source of income in the person of a woman than to look for a job himself.
• The man is waiting for the "finest hour". This applies to people in the creative profession (writers, musicians, scientists). The spouse does not want to work, as he is waiting for the moment when success will come to him. The husband dreams of doing something that will significantly change the world.
• Laziness. The spouse will put off looking for a job from day to day, as he likes to while away the time in front of the TV, enjoying a cold beer, or spend his leisure time in any other way.
• Unsuccessful experience. Refusal to look for work may be associated with negativity at the previous place of activity, due to which the man lost faith in himself.
• There is no professional work. It is difficult for a spouse to find a profession in the specialty that he received at the university.

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Husband - "mother's son"

Such men from childhood are accustomed to being taken care of and doing all the work for them. Great parental love fixed in the guy the conviction that he should not decide anything in life on his own. Correcting such a man will be difficult. The wife should follow the advice of psychologists:

• constantly highlight the significance of a loved one, say how reliable he is, that only he can be counted on in a difficult situation;
• gently reminding the spouse that if he had a job, the family would have more opportunities to pamper themselves and the children;
• it is strictly forbidden to insult the husband, as he will begin to protest and act out of spite.

If the "mother's son" loves his wife, these tips will help awaken the earner in him, as a result of which the man will look for work.



Alphonse it

Husband is a narcissist

This type is characterized by high self-esteem, so he sees himself only in leadership positions. But his skills are manifested only in words, but in reality he is not able to do the job efficiently. Therefore, such men sit at home waiting for some promising offer to come to them.

The wife needs to limit her beloved in the pleasures that he receives through money. Suffice it to say that problems have arisen at work, and the salary will be significantly lower than usual. Therefore, there is no opportunity to buy new things, eat well, afford leisure. A narcissistic man will not be able to give up his usual life and will think about ways to earn his own money.

Spouse - "slow-witted"

In order to make such a man act, you need to be patient, as a slow spouse will be determined for a long time with a place of activity. Most often, this leads to the fact that a promising job is offered to another person.

The wife needs to push her husband to make a quick decision:

• indicate the advantages of the proposed position;
• to say that he is an excellent specialist, so the period has come to realize himself;
• make plans for the future, implying that the spouse will work.

The man is a misanthrope

Such a man is not afraid of the work itself, but the need to interact with society, so they sit at home. It is difficult for this type of people to participate in discussions, make decisions, and maintain everyday conversations.

A husband should look for alternative ways to earn money, for example, such as remote work. Then the spouse will not need to be among people, he will be able to engage in any activity at home.

Since the time of the primitive system, it has become customary that a man is a warrior and a breadwinner who is obliged to provide his family with food and other material benefits. But over time, the roles have changed somewhat. Women have become strong and independent, they are rapidly realizing themselves in their careers. But among the representatives of the stronger sex, weak, lazy and lack of initiative people are increasingly common. So, many wives are faced with the problem that the husband does not want to work. What to do in this case? How to motivate your spouse?

Subjective reasons

To solve the problem, you need to clearly understand why the husband does not want to work. Sometimes, the problem lies not in external circumstances, but in the character and worldviews of a man. Here are the most common subjective reasons:

• He likes to live at the expense of others. As a rule, such men are called gigolos, they purposefully start relationships with wealthy women. And a person could get used to living at the expense of his parents from childhood and is not going to change his habits in adulthood.
• He has no financial problems. If your spouse is lucky with wealthy parents, and they continue to support him financially, despite the fact that he has long grown up, it is not surprising that he prefers idle pastime. He may also have some savings that he prefers to spend rather than invest in a useful business.
• He is in constant search of himself. This situation is most typical for representatives of creative professions. Actors, musicians, artists, writers are waiting for their "finest hour" for a long time, not wanting to be scattered on "earthly" activities. But the road to "bohemian" life, as a rule, is available to very limited circles.
• Laziness. If a man likes to lie on the couch in front of the TV for days or spend time at computer games, he will not rush to break his measured way of life.
• Unsuccessful experience. If a man has previously had trouble at work, most likely he will not want to experience such shocks again. It is possible that we are talking about psychological trauma.
• Middle age crisis. During this period, a man, as a rule, becomes depressed or, on the contrary, behaves excessively actively, trying to make up for everything that was lost in his youth. Naturally, he is not up to work.
• The woman is too active. The psychology of men is arranged in such a way that they begin to act when they feel an urgent need for it. If a woman voluntarily took on the entire burden of responsibility, a man can become passive.
• Lack of feelings for a woman. If a man does nothing for you, most likely he does not love and does not appreciate you. Perhaps he lives with you because it is so convenient, but if the opportunity arises, he will go to the one who can win his heart and awaken the initiative.

Objective reasons

If the husband does not want to work, what should the wife do in this case? To accept correct solution need to get to the bottom of the problem. Perhaps he has a good reason. Here are some objective reasons that lead to inaction of a man:

• Unemployment. Sometimes a man sits at home not of his own will, but because of the banal lack of employment opportunities or the lack of demand for his specialty. Also, problems with work can be in small settlements. Perhaps the husband wants to work in another city - this may be a solution to the problem.
• Health status. Perhaps the spouse has health problems that prevent him from working fully. Show more attention to the man, maybe he is hiding his problem from you. In addition, the representatives of the stronger sex are terrible cowards. They put off going to the doctor for as long as possible.
• Solid age. If the husband is retired and does not want to work, this is his well-deserved right. In addition, not every organization will hire an employee older than 40-50 years.
• Youth and lack of experience. If your spouse is a graduate of a university, technical school, or is still at the stage of obtaining education, it is not surprising that he does not have the opportunity (or desire) to find a job. In addition, young people are in constant search. Perhaps the husband does not know what he wants to work.

If the husband does not want to work, what should the wife do? Naturally, discontent is growing, emotions are boiling, but you should not start with claims and aggression. First of all, it is worth deciding on the reasons for the current situation, to understand what your spouse is thinking about. Here is how psychologists advise a woman to build her behavior:

• Do not demonstrate your superiority, do not exalt your dignity. This can humiliate a man, can make him withdraw into himself.
• Show tact and patience. If you understand that the situation with the lack of work is temporary, what is the point of making scandals? Will they bring a solution to the problem? Show understanding and support.
• Act wisely. When helping a man cope with an unemployment crisis, try to do everything so that he does not take offense and does not feel helpless. Don't let your help be intrusive.
• Try not to criticize or blame your spouse. To instill confidence in him, focus on his merits and positive qualities as well as opportunities for personal growth.
• Sincerely believe in your husband. It is your positive energy that will help him gain self-confidence.

It's a matter of temperament

When asked why the husband does not want to work, not a single man will give you a clear answer. There are thousands of fantastic reasons from low wages to lack of opportunities for self-realization. But psychologists believe that the reason lies much deeper. There are five male types that predetermine the desire to stay at home. Their description is given in the table.

Practical help

For a long period, the husband does not want to work ... What to do in this case? Sometimes a woman should take control of her husband's employment process. Here's what to do:

1. Have a frank conversation to identify the problem and come to the need for immediate resolution.
2. On a piece of paper, write information about your spouse's education, knowledge, skills, and work experience.
3. Help your spouse write a well-written and presentable resume. It's not difficult, because there are many templates and tips for creating a self-presentation on the Internet.
4. Explore job sites in your city. Check out the ads that match your spouse's skill level.
5. Send your resume to potential employers.
6. If you get a response, help your spouse prepare for the interview.
7. Make sure that your spouse arrives at the specified place at the appointed time, and does not ignore the offer.

Try to switch roles

A serious problem for the family if the husband does not work. What to do in this case? Some psychologists recommend changing roles with a man. If he prefers to stay at home, why don't you pass on all the household chores to him? Laundry, cleaning, cooking, raising children - you shift all this onto the shoulders of your spouse, while you yourself focus on your career.

Sometimes this is the only way out if the husband is unemployed and does not want to work. Indeed, some men do well in the role of "householders", they even like it. Why not be such a family if both spouses agree to this state of affairs. But if a man refuses to take on household chores, this will once again demonstrate his consumer attitude towards the family. And you draw the conclusions.

Financial difficulties

If a woman meekly takes on the responsibility of providing for the family, is it any wonder that her husband does not want to work? What to do in this case? Create material problems. Not really, of course, but pretend.

Lie that you were sent on an indefinite free vacation, that you were downgraded wages that there were some unforeseen health-related expenses. It is important that in the eyes of your spouse your income is significantly reduced so that there is no longer enough money for delicious food, entertainment and all the other benefits that you are used to.

Next, you just have to follow the reaction of the spouse. Ideally, faced with financial difficulties, a man should start looking for sources of income in order to provide the family with a normal standard of living. If the husband does not want to work, despite the hardships, and begins to save money, then he is incorrigible.

Family budget no longer shared

If the husband is unemployed and does not want to work under any pretext, hurt his ego. It is important for a man to have access to money (even if he did not earn it). Let your family budget cease to be shared. Spend the money you earn on yourself and on your children. Give your spouse only a fixed amount for shopping at the supermarket, be sure to ask for a check when you return home.

A normal man such a situation will hurt the living. He will feel awkward and even inferior. In theory, this should push him to some changes in his life. On the other hand, he can adapt to the situation. After all, you will not leave him without food. Draw conclusions and make decisions only for you, based on the results of the experiment.

Get outside help

Men love to show off and boast in front of others. There is some competitive moment in their life. That is what the next piece of advice is based on. Husband doesn't want to work? Invite guests home more often. Moreover, ask one of them in advance to inquire about the successes and achievements of your spouse. This should hurt the man's well-being and make him change something in his life.

For these purposes, arrange with a friend or girlfriend whom you especially trust, with whom you have a close relationship. They must act unobtrusively and delicately so that he does not recognize the plot. In addition, too aggressive interrogation can work against you. A man can close himself even more.

Move away from relatives

Everyone knows that the fair sex reaches psychological maturity much earlier than men. But the latter can remain children even at a fairly honorable age. But it's one thing to be a child at heart, and another thing to behave infantile in all areas of life. In particular, this concerns the unwillingness to work.

This behavior of a man is often associated with the peculiarities of education. Perhaps the parents never insisted that their son bother with daily trips to work and thoughts about the financial support of the family. It is possible that even now in their person he finds support for his tactics of behavior.

To force a spouse to reconsider his views, you need to limit his communication with those who support him in his beliefs. Of course, ideal option there would be a move to another city where his parents would not be nearby. But since this option is rather utopian, you will have to look for ways to reduce meetings with relatives to a minimum.

Involve your spouse in family planning

If the husband does not work, "I want to get a divorce!" - this is the main emotion that occurs in women who are faced with a similar situation. But think about it, perhaps in this situation there is a share of your fault. Sometimes, women take on everything that is connected with the household. In particular, we are talking about budget planning.

By making a spending plan and going shopping on your own, you create a sense of security in a man. He does not know what and how much it costs in the store, whether you have enough money for everything you need. The spouse develops an indifferent and consumer attitude towards the issue of the family budget.

Select convenient time when both you and your spouse are free from work, and invite your spouse to make a shopping list for the week together. Keep the list as short as possible, including only the essentials. And if the husband asks to include his favorite products in the list (beer, smoked meats, confectionery, and so on), refuse, motivating this limited budget(even if you have extra funds in reserve). And if you manage to get a man out shopping, he's sure to be impressed by the prices.

Consider a family business

For some families, the problem is that the husband does not want to work "for his uncle." The excuse can not be called convincing, however, many men have such a quirk. What to do in this case? Perhaps it is worth raising the question of the advisability of opening a small business of his own, in which a man can realize his potential.

Naturally, owning a business is costly. If you do not have enough start-up capital, offer your spouse a profitable option. For a while, he will get a job, and he will save all his wages to start his own business. Such a proposal should inspire a purposeful man.

But if the husband does not want to work officially (or unofficially), even a short time perhaps personal ambitions are nothing more than excuses. In this case, the conversation with the spouse should be tougher.

Remember that you are a woman

In cases where the husband does not want to work, the advice of psychologists comes down to correctly distributing roles in the family. Modern women are self-sufficient and hardy. They are able to take care not only of themselves, but also of those around them. For example, about a non-working spouse.

Think about how your life has changed since getting married. What did you allow yourself before and what can't you do now? When was the last time you were in or bought a new thing? If the answer does not satisfy you, look into the reasons. Perhaps now, on the same salary, you have to support not only yourself, but also your spouse.

Don't stop being a woman to please someone. Perhaps you should start pampering yourself again, as before marriage. Do not take on extra workloads, do not overburden yourself with household chores. If the spouse is not satisfied with this situation, suggest that he change his idle lifestyle to

If unemployment is associated with alcoholism

If the husband drinks and does not want to work, the first step is to identify the dominant problem. So, if a person was left without a livelihood because he began to drink, you need to concentrate on the fight against alcoholism. If the persuasion does not work (or does not work, but not for long), it is worth convincing the spouse of the need for treatment.

But sometimes it happens that alcohol abuse is a consequence of the fact that a person was left "overboard". Having lost a job for some reason, unable to find worthy replacement to his former occupation, a man may feel hopeless. In such cases, people often "flood" the problem with alcohol. In this situation, you need to show understanding and support. Help your spouse in finding a new job, offer him to sign up for some courses, offer some kind of hobby. If a man is busy with something, he will soon forget about alcohol and return to a full life.

Husband doesn't work and doesn't want children

Creating a family is a responsible step, which by default implies plans for the birth of children. But it happens that the husband does not want children and work. It should be noted that these two problems are interrelated. Moreover, unwillingness to work, as a rule, dominates.

If for a woman a child is happiness, the joy of motherhood, pleasant chores, new life, then for a lazy man this is another expense item (moreover, quite impressive). The husband is well aware that if a woman becomes pregnant, she can no longer be fully responsible for providing the family with everything necessary.

How to proceed in this case? It is important that the desire to have a child outweighs the unwillingness to work. Get your spouse interested. Go to places where a lot of children walk (for example, in parks) more often. And sometimes invite friends who already have babies to visit.

It turns out that many women are faced with such a problem that the husband does not want to work at all. Reviews on women's forums are a direct confirmation of this. Here are some tips women share with each other in frank conversations:

• a woman needs to stop taking responsibility by making life unemployed men easy and carefree;
• you need to give an ultimatum - either work or divorce (even a negative outcome is better than living with a lazy unemployed person);
• block the financial flow from the outside (for example, help from parents, friends or relatives) so that the man feels a lack of money;
• you need to be respectful with your husband, but tough;
• do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of a man - if you can no longer endure, feel free to initiate a break;
• no quarrels and reproaches will lead to a positive result, you need to give both your husband and yourself time to decide (for example, three months), and only then make a decision;
• demonstrate total employment, rarely be at home, referring to work - perhaps this will hook a man and push him to take action;
• motivate your husband with some interesting purchase (a car, an inflatable boat, and so on) - perhaps this will push him to look for sources of income;
• it is worth taking a break in relationships and living separately - perhaps this will make a man realize the value of a family and change his tactics of behavior;
• if the situation has not changed for several years, one should not build empty illusions about "re-education";
• sometimes you need to offer your help in finding a job to compensate for a man’s lack of self-confidence;
• do not look for additional sources of income on your own (do not borrow, on credit, do not look for a part-time job) - let your husband feel the lack of money;
• you should not blame, but talk heart to heart, trying to find out the reason (perhaps you need to contact a psychologist).

Magic will help

If you are already desperate to convince your spouse that he is wrong, but do not want to ruin the family, it may be worth contacting magical rites and conspiracies. If the husband does not want to work, wait for the growing moon, put a pot filled with water on the stove. when the liquid boils, read the plot over it three times. When the water has cooled, pour it under the tree.

As the water was cold, so you (the name of the husband or son) were cold to work. As the water boiled, so did you (the name of the husband or son), the coldness was removed. True. 10

If the husband no longer wants to work, despite the persuasion of loved ones, take a few of his favorite things (trousers, shirts, and so on). AT inconspicuous place embroider small crosses with threads to match the fabric. In the process of work, pronounce a conspiracy.

As the Lord learned carpentry, did not shy away from work, so my husband (son) (name), will not be afraid of work and will enjoy work. As the monks fulfill their obedience, so my husband (son) (name) suffers at work, does not run away from work. As recluses seek God, so my husband (son) will look for work. Help angels. Exactly! 10

If the husband does not want to work hard for the good of the family, if he is a pathological lazy person, there is another conspiracy that needs to be said when you set the table. Putting food on your husband's plate, fluently say the text of the spell. Repeat the same spell when you wash your husband's plate. You need to do this daily until you notice positive changes in the behavior of your spouse.

As I wash the dishes for you, I will put you to work. You will be diligent, hardworking, a real man, help me. Everyone for a look. Amen.

If everything related to magic scares you, turn to religion. Pray daily to a saint whose name is the same as your spouse's. Ask the patron to guide him on the true path.

Conclusion

If the husband does not want to work, the advice of psychologists is to analyze the situation from the moment you met. What was the man like before your marriage? If, before marriage, he also did not strive for career self-realization, most likely, the matter is in character and in his life position. Such cases are quite difficult to correct, because the task of a woman is not only to make her husband work, but also to completely change his worldview.

But if the husband does not want to work for some time after the start of family life, try to understand the situation. Recall the moment your spouse quit his last job. Do you know the reason? How long have you been talking heart to heart? How trusting are your relationships? Try to get through to him, find out what his problem is? Act delicately, but do not let the situation drag on in time.