How to accept yourself, understand and love: advice from a psychologist. Respecting your body means living a healthy lifestyle

We can try to please others, look good in the eyes of others, do good deeds, do charity work, remain calm, and overcome difficult situations well. And a lot of other useful things in life… But we can become truly happy and successful only when we start to like ourselves and be satisfied with ourselves. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, anxiety, suspiciousness, susceptibility to depression are the consequences of dislike for oneself, which clearly interfere with living a full life. If you are asking the main question of today's topic, then you are already taking the first step in this direction, and the recommendations below will help you.

It turns out that learning to live in harmony with yourself is not so rare problem. Unfortunately, it is complicated by the fact that self-dislike may not be realized, sometimes this requires effort. In most cases, the roots of this phenomenon go back to deep childhood and since then have influenced our worldview and behavior. There are, of course, other reasons as well.

Reasons for not loving yourself

• Education based on orders and the suppression of initiative.

If a child is regularly exposed to excessive criticism, reproaches, and at the same time he receives little affection and warmth from his parents, then an image of himself as unworthy of love, attention and success is formed in his mind.

The other extreme of upbringing - overprotection - also does not have the best effect on instilling self-love. When a child is overprotected and not allowed to act independently, then, growing up, he realizes that he does not have enough skills, skills, courage. And this inevitably leads to self-doubt, a decrease in self-esteem.

• Doing things that have caused criticism from others, or for which you yourself condemn yourself.

It happens that we do something contrary to our ideals and beliefs, “out of stupidity”, without thinking. Or a reassessment of values ​​may occur, and we begin to repent of our deeds. Not everyone can easily cope with this oppressive state. Some even stop loving themselves.

• Inconsistency with the ideal self-image.

If we strive for the ideal we have created, but do not achieve it (in appearance, personal qualities, behavior), then we experience dissatisfaction with ourselves. The reason may also be inconsistency with the expectations of others or the image imposed by means mass media. As a result, we do not accept ourselves as we are, and all the time we set ourselves an unattainable bar.

• Facing failure.

Unpleasant events in personal life and professional field can affect our perception of ourselves. Parting with a loved one, feelings of guilt, relationships with friends and colleagues, lack of career success often affect self-esteem. Especially if we are used to treating ourselves through the prism of achievement.

Self-love: its features and origin

It is worth understanding the essence of the concept and how self-love is formed.

• Self-love is, first of all, understanding and acceptance of oneself. I:

1. We know what we want in life, we know how to dream and make plans.
2. We have goals to which we are true and from which we try not to deviate.
3. We recognize our strengths and weak sides We accept ourselves as we are.
4. If we understand that certain qualities interfere in life, then we work on ourselves and try to change them (without fanaticism, of course).

But even changing something undesirable in our personality, we still continue to respect ourselves and praise ourselves for the slightest shifts in positive side. After all, we have a core, a foundation, a lot of strong qualities for which it is worth loving ourselves!

• Love is born in actions and in actions it is manifested..

Self-love comes from the actions of parents. They take care of the baby, communicate with him, smile, play, give their warmth and love, guide him and set life guidelines in order to form a mature personality in him. The child perceives these signals, feels love and support from his parents, he develops self-confidence and a position: “I can”, “I can handle it”, “I am worthy”, etc. Without being afraid to act, we learn to more effectively accept make decisions, take responsibility, follow a goal. And this is always an additional reason to respect yourself.

• When we love ourselves, we act.

We don’t waste time worrying about “what is wrong with me?” or "I can't get it." Of course, this does not mean that people who love and respect themselves do not have moments of blues and anxiety. We are all alive and have the right to experience different emotions. But there are 3 key differences.

1. First, when we love ourselves, we always remember our main goals and will follow them, despite life's difficulties.
2. Secondly, we will not let these melancholy moments drag on and we will find a way to get ourselves “in shape”.
3. Thirdly, our habit of acting will not be long in coming, and we will begin to look for a way out of this situation. And we will definitely find it!

The difference between self-love and selfishness, narcissism, narcissism

Self-love is inner satisfaction with oneself, self-respect, understanding and acceptance of oneself. The one who loves himself treats other people with respect, does not consider them higher or lower than himself, communicates on an equal footing.

Self love is not selfishness. The main difference is that a person who loves himself (not an egoist) is able to take care of himself and others equally, and an egoist puts his own interests above others, considers his own person to be extremely important. He often does not take into account the needs of people.

Narcissism and narcissism are usually used interchangeably and mean extreme selfishness. These qualities are possessed by people with high self-esteem, who believe that only they deserve true attention and attract it to themselves by any means. All the rest narcissists consider below themselves. They are not sensitive to the problems of other people and are not responsive.

People who love themselves (and show interest in others) are drawn to. And self-humiliation, selfishness and narcissism in most cases repel.

Why is it important to love yourself?

• Self-dislike leads to the accumulation of various negative feelings, the most destructive of which are and. We envy those who are better than us (as we think), who have achieved something more than us, and this is very depressing. We are jealous of someone close to those they like (more than we, as it seems again). We suffer because we are not as good as we would like. And unfortunately, these negative experiences most often remain at the level of emotions and thoughts and do not turn into actions to change the situation.
• A person who does not love himself (and, therefore, does not understand and does not accept), is turned to his inner world, he always wants to understand, study, discover something in himself. He is in constant search of himself. Therefore, he has no time for others. Such people are closed from the outside world and from communication with others. And when we love and understand ourselves, we are more open to contacts with the world, other people are interesting to us, we study them.
• Love for ourselves and others makes us kinder. When we like ourselves, we are generally more satisfied with life and experience positive emotions. We feel the strength and desire to help others.
• To be liked by others, you need to accept and love yourself. If we do not learn how to do this, we will not be able to attract the attention of other people, successfully communicate and make new acquaintances.

When we don't love ourselves, we don't allow others to love us.

• Our self-confidence and self-confidence directly depend on self-love. Self-esteem contributes to an adequate assessment of oneself and one's own capabilities.
• When we love ourselves, we take better care of ourselves: we take care of our appearance, allocate enough time for rest and hobbies, we try to protect ourselves from stress, emotional and physical overload. Of course, such an attitude towards oneself helps to maintain health.
• Self-love makes us bolder. This makes it easier for us to stand up for ourselves and others, to declare our interests, not to allow anyone to "sit on our necks", to take risks for the sake of a worthwhile cause (after all, we are confident in ourselves!)
• Self love makes us stronger. We better cope with difficult situations and overcome stress, gain experience and become wiser.
• In the family, we are also more successful if we like ourselves. For example, if a woman is satisfied with herself and appreciates herself, then she looks good, shines, creates comfort and mood for her loved ones, takes care of them. Thus, she attracts the attention of her husband and is in good contact with the children. Even this alone should make you fall in love with yourself.
• Self-love protects us from various “nonsense” and bad deeds. And the more it is, the less we are prone to unjustified risk to life, addictions, self-inflicted bodily harm, etc.
• Loving and understanding ourselves, we know what we want in life, realize our needs and make plans for the future.
• Self-respect and adequate self-esteem always contribute to the fact that we can praise ourselves for our achievements and demonstrated strengths and are not afraid to admit our own weaknesses to ourselves. And this is very important for personal development.

The following tips from a psychologist will help you think and act in the right direction and decide how to love yourself and increase self-esteem.

How to please yourself: start to act

1. For starters, just smile! Right now. Let's! Do it without a mirror (so the smile will be more sincere). Feel what muscles are slightly tense at the same time, imagine how your eyes look. Sincere joy always manifests itself in them. You need to learn to smile with your eyes. This way you will like yourself and others more. Subsequently, you can train in front of the mirror, choosing for yourself the option that, in your opinion, is the most attractive smile. Do it regularly. After all, smiling, we activate the centers in the brain responsible for the feeling of happiness. And if we begin to feel something, it means that it is already present in our life.
2. Within 10 seconds, remember one of your positive traits that helped you succeed.. Most likely, at that moment you felt good and were pleased with yourself. Feel those emotions again and feel the joy. If it worked out then, then it will work out in the future, because this is your quality, and it will always be with you! And for sure there are other traits that make up the inner core and make you a strong personality. You just need to remember them and apply them in life.
3. Study yourself properly! Only without unnecessary self-digging and fixation on shortcomings. For example, devote a whole day to this. Write down on paper your strengths and weaknesses, your goals and values, dreams and plans for the future. Which of your main goals have already been achieved? What are not yet? Is there something you want but are afraid to do? Be sure to sum up, highlight your key qualities that are important to rely on, and the main goals you will strive for.
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4. Get rid of things you don't like. If, for example, you wear clothes that look completely unattractive and irritate you, then you direct the same emotions to yourself. Urgently review your wardrobe and outdoor space. Surround yourself with nice things. Let it be a few pieces of clothing in which you feel confident and comfortable; a picture, a souvenir or some kind of accessory that pleases the eye and uplifts the mood, etc. The color scheme around should also be pleasant for you. It is better to keep order on the desktop.
   

   Your outer personal space and things around you are a reflection of your inner peace. By managing one, you change the other.

5. Force yourself to take some drastic step. For example, bring the once started business to the end. Or do what you want for a long time, but do not dare or are afraid for some reason (of course, within the framework of what is permitted by law). Try to behave outside the box, go beyond the usual looped actions. For example, choosing a new route to return home (even if not entirely logical), organizing some interesting event for relatives and friends, visiting an unusual exhibition or performance, spending the weekend in a new way, etc.
6. Learn to tell yourself "STOP", as soon as you start to engage in self-flagellation and regret any committed actions. ACCEPT YOURSELF with all your weaknesses and failures (and at the same time with strength and resilience) is now the number one task! Everyone makes mistakes and they have the right to do so. And most do not stop loving themselves because of this. And any failures are an invaluable experience that helped you achieve what you have now, which makes you stronger and wiser.
7. Regularly track changes in yourself. You can even start a diary of comparisons. But you need to compare yourself not with other people, but with your former (former) self, what (what) you were before the moment you began to change your attitude towards yourself. Celebrate all your positive actions, the emergence of new useful traits and habits, praise yourself even for small achievements.

Comparing yourself to others is pointless, useless and ineffective. We are all unique in our own way, and everyone has their own way of development..

Take care of your body and health

1. Make sure you like your appearance. Just little tricks and wisdom can change your image. A new hairstyle or eyebrow shape, a different color of lipstick or eye shadow can sometimes work wonders and can help a woman love herself and boost her self-esteem. Sometimes, of course, more drastic changes may be required, for example, to correct the figure by joining the gym. Everything is in your hands, and you yourself determine the measure of the desired changes.
   Read:

   You are the creator of your image. Only you!

2. Watch your posture. It is she who often betrays confidence or insecurity in a person. The same principle applies here as with a smile. Raise your head and look forward, straighten your shoulders and straighten your back - you will feel that you are becoming taller, more significant, more confident. Let's do it right now! First, it will be necessary to constantly control this position of the body, then a good habit of maintaining posture will appear. Remember everyone. What is this compared to a lifetime?!
3. It's time to start highlighting. It can be just relaxing or doing what you love. And no style objections: “Well, there’s no time at all!” or “Yeah, I don’t seem to need it.”- not accepted. You have the right to rest and private time. And the more you highlight it, the more you will begin to be convinced that you really deserve it. Enjoy happy moments!
4. Enjoy yourself and your body pleasant procedures : massage, SPA, aromatic baths etc. Do not forget that even after 50 years this issue is very relevant.
5. Do the following exercises:
   — Love your body!- Walk around the house naked for one day. Practice this once a week. This will help you accept yourself for who you are. This will save you the embarrassment of being on the beach during the swimming season. Remember, the main rule: if you love yourself, others will love you.
   — Start your day with compliments!- Woke up. Went to wash up. Smile at yourself in the mirror. While brushing your teeth, you said 3-5 compliments to yourself in your head!
   — Find the one!- ... the very phrase that would inspire you and give you strength and confidence. Perhaps it is already in your arsenal, but you forget to repeat it to yourself. Print it out (it is possible on a color printer, in a beautiful font) and put it in a small frame near the bed. When you wake up in the morning, do not forget to look at it and your day will start in a completely different way.
   — Feel free to receive compliments and gifts. Remember, you deserve the best! Accept it! Surely you have met people who, perhaps, do not have the appearance of a model, and they do not shine with a big mind, but they have all the benefits in this life. So they have everything in order with self-esteem and they know for sure that everything they have, they deserve.

How to love yourself: be positive

1. Get involved and interested. A person who “burns” with something is always in a good mood, charged with positive energy. He has no time to be sad and worry about his shortcomings. Such people are full of enthusiasm and inspire others. They are satisfied with themselves, because they do what they like, and get a significant result. Therefore, it is important that you always have something to your liking.

Read more (mostly books), watch interesting programs and films, accumulate useful information, share it with others. It always promotes self-development.

1. Create more! The combination of mind and feelings allows us to realize an interesting task - to create. Someone builds, someone draws, writes books, designs, masters culinary skills. The more we create, the more we value ourselves. And the more often we do this, the higher our level of skill, and this is always an occasion to praise ourselves.
2. Do the following exercise. Write on a piece of paper in a column several times the same phrase: “I love ...” (at least 20 times) and continue it. Anything can be written:
   - "I love ice cream",
   - "I like to smile at people"
   "I love it when my baby laughs"
   - “I love to cook delicious food”, etc.
   Don't think for a long time. The more phrases you want to write, the better. Love always reflects powerful life energy. The more we love everything and everyone around us, the more we are charged with this energy. We feel happier and respect ourselves.
3. Watch what you say. Your speech must be positive. Avoid phrases: "I don't like myself," "I don't like myself," "I'm not capable of ..." and the like. On the contrary, constantly remind and inspire yourself: “I love myself”, “I respect myself”, “I deserve it”, “I can handle it”, etc. Thought is material, and any words affect your mood and state. Consider such phrases as commands for action and sources of self-support. They have scientific name- affirmations. Here are some examples:
   “I am full of energy and constantly developing”,
   "In my soul, peace and harmony",
   "I like to do something nice for myself"
   "I can find an approach to any person."

Get a “Good Mood Notebook” and write down all the phrases that you like, make you feel an influx of energy and make you act.

How to love yourself by interacting with others

1. communicate more. With family, friends, colleagues, and strangers. make new acquaintances, be the first to take the initiative! Speech develops in communication oratory, courage, ability to find an approach to different people and get them interested.
2. Give joy to others and do good deeds. Small gifts for relatives and friends, compliments and words of support, assistance in various situations - all this will help strengthen relationships with others and increase your self-esteem. And, of course, the feeling that we can make the world kinder, we add love to ourselves.
3. If you yourself experienced, as a child, a lack of love for yourself from loved ones, do not repeat this with your children.. It is important to realize this and forgive your parents, because they could have done some actions from a lack of experience and the presence of various fears. Accept this and do not transfer the hidden negative feelings to the children. Agree that you are no longer that child, but a mature person who herself chooses the most favorable way for raising her descendants. What you put in them, and what feelings you give them, will be reflected in their development, attitude towards themselves and success in the future.

In addition to your decisive action, you can read interesting and useful books on developing self-love by the following authors: “Reconcile body and spirit: 40 simple exercises”, Albin Michel, 2007, Louise L. Hay “Album of healing affirmations”, L. Breuning “Hormones of happiness”, M.E. Litvak "If you want to be happy", E. Muir "Self-confidence", E. Lamott "Small victories", N. Rein "How to love yourself, or Mom for the Inner Child."

Especially for you, we have selected videos for you that will help you love yourself, accept yourself and forget such words as "I don't like myself."

Louise Hay

Simple steps to love yourself and raise your self-esteem.

We are a mirror of our relationship with our world. By accepting ourselves, we accept others. When we love ourselves, we love those around us. By building relationships with ourselves, we improve communication and understanding with them, become kinder and attract positive energy into our lives.

The following articles will also help you accept yourself, learn more about yourself, and deal with the most common problems every girl has.

A familiar and real picture: a client comes to a psychologist. Well, let's say a girl. And from the threshold he begins to complain: "I'm ugly, I don't believe that men can like me and be attractive to them." The psychologist looks: in front of him is a girl like a girl. Not Miss Universe, of course, but not a crocodile either. He clarifies one last time: "Tell me, why do you think you're ugly?" The girl again bursts into tears and dumps everything on the psychologist: and what about her personal life in her 30s - complete seams; and that many times acquaintances and friends told her that she was even pretty - but she did not believe them; and that "I understand everything, but in the head some kind of internal barrier…»

The psychologist sighs and understands: the work is long. No, it can be changed - but not overnight. And not for two. Maybe and more than a year will be needed.

And it won't be easy. The fact is that such a girl, firstly, already able to reject proposed solutions, discount them or ignore them(After all, her acquaintances and friends told her about her attractiveness. But each time she had reasons not to believe them). Well, the friends themselves tried to help her in the worst traditions of home-grown psychotherapy, claiming that she does not feel what she feels: “Yes, nonsense, you’re normal, even pretty, don’t invent it.” Well, that is, she is worried that, they say, “I am ugly, so no one needs me, and now I feel bad,” and they say to her: “Yes, this is all nonsense!”. Of course, she was hurt, and she felt misunderstood and rejected. After all, she sincerely suffered, even for a far-fetched reason! She is hurt, ashamed and offended, and her friends say: "Nonsense"…

And one more feature of the reaction of loved ones to the experiences of a person. It begins to seem to those around her that she invented all her experiences for herself: “I tell her that she is normal, but she does not believe. So, ITSELF WANTS TO SIT IN THE MANURE PILES. You are the one to blame!"

Yes, indeed, only the girl could organize this hell for herself. And she suffers quite seriously. And she constantly feels very, very bad, and the worse she is, the more she blames herself. But it's not entirely her fault. This is difficult to understand without delving into her ideas about the world. This design is curved, but extremely stable, and it can only be sharpened little by little, literally drop by drop. And the vast majority sincerely believes: "If she does not accept the offered help and support - ITSELF, FOOL, GUILTY!"

But she cannot accept it. She has nothing to accept - because mechanisms for obtaining support have not been developed.

Well, imagine: all her life, starting from early childhood, from her parents, the girl received only negative things about her personal and other qualities. Most likely, violence (at least emotional) flourished in the family: the child was humiliated, slapped, and underestimated. Brought a three - “who are you growing into a fool”; she tore her pantyhose on the street - “sloppy, dirty, but what a girl you are!”; badly wiped the dust - "who will marry you, armless!".

I can even understand (though not accept) why this is convenient - educate with violence (emotional). If you suppress your own “I” in a child from childhood, he becomes quiet, quiet, feels guilty, dutifully does all the housework and meekly listens to everything that they think about his abilities from mom and dad. A child whose self-esteem has been trampled on, personal boundaries destroyed and weaned from wanting something for himself is COMFORTABLE AND OBEDIENT. And what she will have there someday in the future with men is no longer parental care. When a child is three, five, eight, thirteen years old, they don’t think about it yet, because relations with the opposite sex will not be very soon for him; and the fact that the child does not want to go to sleep or refuses to eat is a real problem now, and this must be suppressed, otherwise it is inconvenient. And they press.

Such children can be bullied at school, and parents will be completely unaware, because the child will be afraid to once again listen to their reproaches. And for dad and mom, since the daughter does not complain, then there are no problems. She had something with her classmates - they heard it out of the corner of her ear. Well, she can handle it herself, and her parents are so tired after work that they don’t have time for these stupid children’s quarrels. Yes, and there can be nothing serious in first-graders!

So the psychologist knows that reproaching such a client as if she is “to blame herself” and cannot accept help is something like writing complaints about a patient in the intensive care unit that he eats only through a tube: they say, I can just do the usual eat food? Well, I do not disdain either sausage or lard.

Why on earth this grated apples and special food? Why would it be so much trouble with him with special food according to the regime?

And this is necessary. For now, he can't help it. It must be handled with care.

Here, by the way, is an example from the Russian classics. I recently re-read The Brothers Karamazov here and noted how beautifully Dostoevsky described the scene with Captain Snegirev. Well, this is the unfortunate invalid whom Mitya Karamazov offended when he led him out of the tavern by the beard. Alyosha Karamazov was very sympathetic to the sick, impoverished captain, tried to give him money, apologized for his brother - and the captain threw the money on the ground, began to shout, swear ... Not on the offender Mitya, but on the kind and friendly Alyosha, who tried to help him. And this, in fact, the beggar captain, offended by everyone, did not swear at Alyosha, but at everyone who offended him. People with this kind of psychotrauma constantly "bite the hand of the giver" instead of accepting help normally and showing gratitude in return.

If you like, this is a symptom, and such unfortunate people do it NOT out of ill will, but from inner pain and the inability to direct aggression towards the true offender. Yes, this behavior is unhealthy and wrong, it is violation and that is what needs to be treated. Such injured people or bite myself, or, when you approach them, they try to poke another. And until they throw out aggression at least somewhere, they unable to accept help. Therefore, others very quickly stop giving them a helping hand, pity and support. And the unfortunate traumatists interpret such alienation as confirmation of their thesis: “ Nobody loves me, nobody needs me". The circle is closed.

The traumatist built a prison of false beliefs with his own hands and now sits inside and suffers. It hurts, it hurts, but he doesn’t know how to get out of this prison.

If a person is regularly beaten or mentally tortured from childhood, weaning from self-support, then it will turn into what the client, who does not believe that she is attractive, eventually turned into. She will not believe that she is good for something, that she is smart, beautiful and may be desirable for someone. At the moment, such a person can receive support from the outside only a little bit and in a very softened (boiled or mashed) form. And on the Internet, sorry, you can neither feed nor teach to support yourself: neither intensive reading of books on pop psychology, nor communication with the same poor souls on forums will help.

For this, another, specially trained person is needed. Psychotherapist.

That is, once a person cannot accept help from relatives or strangers, this is often not his fault, not stupidity or malice - this is a real, serious problem. Deep rooted and far-reaching consequences. And this can not be corrected otherwise than in a psychological consultation. There, in an atmosphere of acceptance and trust, a person will cry, and realize with horror that for many years he was his own executioner, and will try to “bite” the supporting therapist (but they are trained - the therapist will not give up so easily! :)).

If you approach the mirror and look carefully at the reflection, the question “who am I?” arises, then it's time to figure it out. This will help you improve or even change your life, become happier and take a different look at the world around you. How to accept yourself, understand and love? Psychologists have a lot of advice and recommendations in this regard. Let's take a look at a few basic steps.

Important Basics

First of all, you need to understand what it means to "accept yourself." This does not mean a throw from one extreme to another: from a bunch of complexes and insecurity to narcissism and ascension to the ranks of saints. To accept yourself and your life is, first of all, to realize the whole value and uniqueness of the body and soul, every moment and place, person and object, and also to understand your significance in this cycle of the universe. Sounds complicated and incomprehensible? In fact, everything is simple, if you break it down into points.

1. Unique personality

How to accept yourself if there is no compliance with generally accepted norms? The thing is that the world is changeable and you should not change yourself blindly following trends and fashion trends. Today, athletic and healthy are in trend, tomorrow fat and lazy will smile from the covers of magazines, and the day after tomorrow some others.

If you don’t live your life and do only what everyone else does, then you can easily lose yourself. It is very important to remember that each person is unique. You should not give up on yourself, just because in appearance, behavior or character there are not those qualities that should be. And they should be, in general, only because someone said so. Looking in the mirror, it is worth remembering that a person in the reflection is unique, unrepeatable, and this, at least, is interesting.

2. Beauty is different

Having dealt with the uniqueness, you can move on to the next item - appearance. Are these unique body, face, arms and legs beautiful? Of course yes! And nothing else! The color of the eyes, if you look closely, is so deep and bewitching. Hair frames the face so beautifully and emphasizes femininity. The body, although not perfect, but also looks very good.

Accept yourself any and do not forget that beauty is very different. Think of some where women knock out their teeth or scar their bodies to be beautiful. To a European this seems strange and ugly, but on the black continent this is the height of perfection. So what looks disgusting to one person will look perfect to another. Beauty is not an absolute concept, many-sided and many-sided.

Well, if these beliefs do not work, then - go ahead for beauty! Gym, beauty salon, clothing store - anything! The main thing is not to lose yourself in the pursuit of beauty, and when doing a newfangled hairstyle or trying on a trendy dress, do not forget about inner feelings. What happens if you take off this outfit and wash off the paint? Under the bright and beautiful wrapper, the same beauty remains as without it.

3. Advantages and disadvantages

Having dealt with the appearance, you can move on to the beauty of the inner. How to accept yourself if there are only flaws?

First, people without merit simply do not exist. Everyone has something to flaunt and something to work on.

Secondly, is there really so much bad and so little good? You need to take a sheet of paper, draw it into two halves and divide all your qualities into positive and not so good. This should be done in a calm and quiet environment, so that no one interferes, and nothing distracts. Then, for each merit, you can praise yourself or even reward yourself. For example, indulge in a cake or fragrant tea.

Now, let's move on to the list of disadvantages. It is necessary to include objective criticism on full power and analyze each item. Is this really a flaw, or does it just seem that way. For example, the directness and simplicity of a person in different life situations can be both a good and useful quality, and completely inappropriate. This ambiguous character trait cannot be classified as a disadvantage. And so on in the same vein. Having worked through the entire list in this way, you can make sure that everything is not so bad, and that there is no huge “black list”. And if some shortcomings still oppress and haunt, then you need to highlight them and work on their elimination.

4. No comparisons

How to accept yourself as imperfect, if everyone around you is so good, beautiful and smart? Very simple! You need to stop comparing yourself to others. You need to learn to erase from your mind the thoughts that someone has thicker hair, a slimmer waist, and so on. Here we recall the first and third points. Each person is unique and inimitable, but not perfect. Comparisons don't make any sense. They only develop insecurity, envy and other feelings and thoughts that do not benefit anyone at all.

5. Cross out the excess

Very often a person does not accept himself just because his environment does not allow it. Don't sacrifice your inner sense of comfort and confidence for someone else. On the contrary, it is worth conducting an audit in your relations with others. All who do not accept and do not respect as a person must be immediately struck out of life. "Good" advice best friend about appearance and love, if analyzed, may not be so sincere and good. And the statement about the "soul mate" turns out to be just an attempt to keep or subjugate.

People around should accept two truths:

1. There are no halves, quarters, and so on. Each person is whole and self-sufficient.
2. Each person is unique and inimitable, interesting and beautiful, and there is no need to change it. If you are interested, communicate, and if not, leave.

In addition, there amazing people who cry all the time, whine and literally “pull out” vital energy from everyone else. Such friends and girlfriends with prolonged communication can simply plunge into depression, from which it is very difficult to get out later.

And another category of "unfavorable communication" is those who assert themselves at the expense of others. If a girlfriend gives advice on how to make eyelashes as long as hers, or how to become as fashionable as she is, then most likely this is not a sincere desire to help at all, but an attempt to emphasize one's own peculiarity by belittling the merits of others . Such people are also not suitable for long-term and close communication, otherwise you can earn a lot of complexes and insecurity.

6. To love and be loved

How to love yourself? The advice of psychologists in this paragraph is the same as in all the previous ones - to make sure of your uniqueness, uniqueness, inner and outer beauty, and exclude everyone who does not agree with this from the social circle.

There is only one important nuance. Love, as you know, is not subject to reason. It is impossible to sincerely and truly love someone by force, even yourself. But there is good news - love for oneself is inherent in nature. It is already there, just under the influence of some circumstances or people, this important feeling is hidden somewhere deep inside and it needs to be extracted, revived and filled with strength.

No need to try, but you just need to excite those feelings that already exist. And that's where the tips in this article come in handy. Having appreciated all the merits, being convinced of his beauty and uniqueness, and having cleansed his life of unnecessary people, a person will resurrect the lost feeling of love for his own family.

7. Different emotions

Another very important rule: you can and should understand yourself, accept and love yourself in any emotional state. Absolutely everyone is sad or sad, any person can get angry or just "be out of sorts."

Negative emotions are also part of the inner world. If this means what the soul and body need now, and there is no need to be afraid of this, to be shy, etc. Of course, there are situations in life when it is necessary to restrain emotions, but after that, you can hug your favorite pillow and shout to it whatever you think, or cry enough.

All feelings are natural and should not be suppressed. If there are too many of them, then this separate issue can be worked out, but at the same time, without forgetting the first point - each person is unique, and an emotional portrait is an important component of this uniqueness.

little helpers

Help, accept, understand and love yourself can be simple things that are available to everyone today:

Summing up

If after reading the article and following all the recommendations, the question “who am I?” still remains, then here is the answer: smart, beautiful, wonderful person and interesting person!

Only this way and nothing else! So say the leading psychologists of the world, and experts of this level simply cannot be wrong.

The question of how to accept and love yourself is one of the top ten important philosophical dilemmas.
And the answer to it is no less significant than the search for the meaning of life.

Not many people think that accepting oneself as one is is the first stage of absolutely any work on oneself. What are the main steps along the way?

Self-acceptance is what it means to work on yourself.

The process of psychotherapy, personal analysis, is to "find" and become aware of those parts of your personality that have been left without attention. Who need understanding, acceptance and love. And these are you who faced experiences in life in childhood or adolescence.

Children cannot name their feelings. And then feelings in the form of images are immersed in the unconscious. But these experiences affect your life, your choices and decision-making - in any case. And the more they are not realized, the stronger this influence is.

You do not accept yourself when you are in the grip of a complex or trauma. And the task of working with a psychologist is to bring understanding into this painful experience. Then the question of the meaning of life begins not to worry so much. This question is raised when we do not understand what is happening to us and in our life, according to what kind of laws and rules we live. The search for the meaning of life is a passionate desire to change these alien laws and rules.

Let's also consider:

• why don't you love yourself?
• What is this crazy state of self-dislike?
• And why so difficult love yourself?

My answer is that you don't love yourself because you have no experience accepting your parents for who you are. As a child, you did not have the experience of contact with the "loving look of your mother." You just don't know how to love yourself. Because we treat ourselves the way the very first, close people treated us. For children, parents are gods. Therefore, so often people endure unbearable (not understood) feelings in relations with their parents, claims against them - in relations with religion.

To love yourself means to be kind, patient, understanding and accepting towards your childish wounded part. To that part of yourself - which is still suffering. It is to hear yourself and not turn away from yourself, as your parents turned away from your experiences.

Now you are adults, and it is in your power to help yourself and take care of yourself.
And an important act of self-love will be the recognition that you are worthy of support and respect for yourself.
That you deserve to talk about your experiences and be heard and accepted.

Do not think about how to love yourself (you will not be forced to be nice).
And think about how help yourself.
And this will be a true manifestation of self-love. You will definitely succeed.

The topic of self-acceptance is not easy, but incredibly interesting and important!

First of all, it is worth deciding on an important question: why do you want this?

After all, sometimes such a desire arises only because “you need to love yourself”, “if you don’t love yourself, no one will love you”, but still these are other people's guidelines. And it is impossible to build your own identity on someone else's opinion.

That is why ask yourself right now:Why is it important for me to love and accept myself?

The question is deep, it may not be possible to answer immediately, on the move. This is not required. Personally, for me, acceptance is self-awareness at your own pace.

When you can decide what you need it for, sketch out ideas about how self-love and acceptance are expressed for you? Again, listen to yourself, there are a lot of cliches around about this. Try to disconnect from them, listen to yourself to find the answer inside. Get to know yourself - it's also about self-love and acceptance.

I will tell you about my favorite exercise, which will be very useful in this matter.
Most often I use it in psychological work with women, perhaps it will be useful for men too.

It is the simplest - hang a note on a mirror or mirrors with the question " What would I do if I loved myself?" And every time you come to the mirror, answer this question for yourself and, most importantly, do what comes to mind in the form of an answer. After all, the most valuable thing is inside us! It is the inner voice that is the measure of self-love. Perhaps at first the voice will be weak, barely noticeable, but as you listen to yourself, its strength will grow.
I wish you peace and harmony with yourself!

Do you remember G.H. Andersen's fairy tale "The Ugly Duckling"? It tells sad story about the ugly duckling, which the inhabitants of the poultry yard did not want to take for their own. He seemed big and ugly to them. And although he did nothing wrong to anyone, everyone strove to peck, pinch or insult him already because he was not like the others.

We grew up and learned that the world of people differs little from the world of a fairy tale. Acceptance of a child is largely determined by the ability of parents to accept the givens of life. If they are expecting a child of the same sex, sweet and obedient, and get a child of the opposite sex, capricious and willful, most likely they will not accept him and will try to remake him.

Receiving from loved ones the message “you are not the way we wanted to see you,” the child worries heartache and begins to doubt himself, so non-acceptance from the outside eventually turns into non-acceptance of himself. The individual increasingly believes in others that he cannot be loved as he is. And he also begins to fight with himself, because of which he has complexes and problems.

Let's remember this wonderful fairy tale, in which Andersen masterfully reveals the theme of non-acceptance and, using the example of the suffering of his hero, suggests the way to self-acceptance. It begins with the fact that the appearance of the ugly duckling turned out to be a big surprise for everyone. But the birds, unlike people, did not hide their disappointment and immediately expressed their rejection of the hero. He, fortunately, also did not endure for long and, unable to bear the torment, fled from his home. He had to pass tests of loyalty to himself: the geese tempted him with a cheerful life, an old woman with a chicken and a cat offered to take up his mind and carry eggs, and the children mistook him for a toy.

But the ugly duckling trusted less and less others, and more and more - his intuition. He did what he liked, what suited him. For example, he liked to dive into the water upside down and did not want to give up this, despite the reproaches of others. He survived the harsh winter, because it was much easier for him to live in a swamp than in a well-fed poultry yard, rejected by relatives.

In solitude, he becomes strong and independent and finally meets the birds, whose beauty captivates him so much that he wants a relationship for the first time. He is sad, not hoping for reciprocity, and suddenly sees his reflection in clean water. It turns out that he is also a beautiful swan!

The coincidence is not accidental: the ugly duckling meets swans after he himself turned into a swan.

The story brings us to the following conclusions.

1. Do not try to justify the tormentors with your shortcomings. From birth, a person is endowed with a dignity that no one can take away from him.
2. Do not tolerate the presence of ill-wishers in your environment. Find the courage to go in search of another space where you will be welcome and feel better.
3. Don't be afraid to be alone with yourself. Solitude is not loneliness. Loneliness - being alone among others, waiting for approval and love and not getting them.
4. Only you can take care of yourself in the best possible way. To do this, it is enough to take seriously your feelings, thoughts, physical needs for food and shelter, spiritual needs for acceptance, respect, recognition of the value of oneself.
5. By accepting and loving yourself, you are sure to meet those who love you.

How to accept yourself?
Before answering the question "how?", it would be good to decide "who am I".

Who to accept?
And why is it needed?

The answers to these questions sometimes take a lifetime. And more often than not, there are no answers. Suppose these questions can be answered philosophically, look at them, as they say, "from a bird's eye view":
accept yourself = accept life.

Because I am life. When I am not there, there is no life either. Yes, it is in fact, but it has nothing to do with me. It turns out that the meaning of life is to learn to accept yourself-life. This is the path that we all, living on earth, follow. And in this we are certainly similar. However accommodation this path is always unique, just as every person on our planet is unique.

Where does the journey of self-acceptance begin?

From the fact that in early childhood we “learn” from adults who we are and what we are. For example: “You hit Katya today. Bad boy" or "You ate all the porridge! Good boy". Us from childhood evaluate in terms of good and bad in society. How else? “It is impossible to live in society and be free from society” (c). And rarely are they interested in how we feel at the same time.

Everyone knows that in psychology there is the concept of "self-esteem", but in reality there is only assessment. And no "on its own". With frequent positive assessments, a high “self-esteem” is formed, with negative ones, respectively, low. That is, we all initially depend on how adults accept us. And we don't even know what it's like to accept ourselves. This is definitely not taught in childhood.

However, sometimes life just forces you to look at yourself. Because if you don’t see, you don’t feel, and, ultimately, you don’t accept yourself, then others won’t accept you either. This is how you try to be for others and step on the throat of your own song, as you were taught in childhood, but you are not appreciated and respected, they practically wipe your feet on you. And how not to get into a dead end here!

What to do? To do what?!!! We would be glad to live differently, but ... The whole trouble is that we have no other scenario for life, except for what we learned in childhood.

But the question "what to do?" indicates that we have arrived at selection point.

• Choice 1. We continue to live, focusing only on "what people say." This state victims, which is always looking for reasons outside: the husband is a scoundrel, the boss is a fool, a friend is a traitor, and further down the list. There will always be a predator on the prey, you can be sure.
• Choice 2. We realize that we ourselves creators our happiness and learn to manage our lives, bearing personal responsibility for it. And here, without self-acceptance, self-confidence and a huge thirst for life - nothing. Of course, you can learn it yourself. Life is a wonderful teacher. But the luggage of childhood can be so heavy that it cannot be overcome alone. You can also shorten the path to your real self by contacting a psychologist. Yes, it costs money. But they pay off through a radical increase in the quality of life.

And now we can return to the main question "how?" How to accept yourself?

The answer to it lies in the plane of the unique path of each person and the choices that he makes every minute of his life. If you choose the path of the victim: the path of accusations, claims, expectations, assessments - you can not read further. This path does not in any way lead to self-acceptance. If you chose the second path, then certain steps are inevitable on it. There are a lot of options for their execution, but look at the essence.

1. Take care of your body.
It is closest to what we call ourselves and what needs to be accepted. When we remember that we need to wash it regularly, feed it tasty and healthy, let it breathe fresh air, sleep on clean linen, move more, dress comfortably and stylishly, it responds to us with sensations of beauty, freshness and lightness.

2. Learn to listen and hear your body.
The body has the answers to all questions, and it never deceives us. Be attentive to what happens to him. If your feet don't go somewhere, maybe you don't need to go there?

When something hurts, at least open Louise Hay, her psychosomatic table. Pain is always where our attention is lacking. And it points to exactly what we do not see in ourselves. Or we see, but do not receive. One realization of this is already a step towards yourself. Sometimes this is enough to stop the pain.

If you find yourself in a situation of choice, ask your body what is the right thing to do. Concentrate your attention, for example, in the center of the chest, and imagine each option. Pleasant sensations in the form of warmth, expansion means "yes." Sensations of compression, pressure - "no". Trust yourself, your feelings.

3. Break patterns.
How? Do things differently, even foolishly, but not in the way you are used to. Let this be your practice for a couple of weeks.

• For example, you are used to walking along one road - find another.
• You usually listen to one music - try to listen to another.
• They used to make excuses for their husband’s claims - keep silent or joke, or ...

When we change something familiar, even small, we become more aware of ourselves. The meaning of such actions is to explore yourself, to begin to notice something new in yourself, the details of your life. Agree, it is difficult to accept a “biorobot”, as if programmed for a set of familiar functions.

4. Allow yourself to prioritize your needs.
If you have work to do but are hungry, go and eat. And then work.

When the guests are sitting up and you want to sleep, do not hesitate to tell them about it directly. Honesty and openness are indispensable attributes of self-acceptance. And yes, I know very well how difficult and even scary it can be to open up, to speak directly about your feelings, without slipping into accusations and claims. Especially to your loved ones. However, honesty brings clarity: even if it hurts to hear something, it is clear what to do next. And it's always a relief.

5. Do what you enjoy.
Find your own business, one that brings you joy and satisfaction. It is impossible to accept yourself if you live following someone else's instructions, even if given by caring parents. It is even more unbearable to satisfy someone else's ambitions. It's better to learn from your mistakes than to live a life that isn't yours.

6. Be persistent in achieving what you consider important for yourself.
For example, you wrote an article, drew a picture, cooked borscht, but you never know what else you did as done, and in response you hear solid “fu, yes well” ... And you take it and do it again. And again, the way things are done - that is, the way things do themselves. And again, the scores are not very good. But you continue to listen to yourself, go after yourself and do it your own way. And at some point, everyone falls silent, if not in admiration, then in respect for sure. You may enjoy it, or you may not. Because external evaluations are not what influences you. You already hear your own voice.

7. Live! Every second.
Drink tea - drink tea. Walk down the street - so go. Feel your feet touch the ground and the cool breeze pleasantly invigorates your body. There is so much going on around! This can be noticed only by being attentive to yourself: your feelings, thoughts, sensations in the body. Then every action taken will be adequate to this moment. And every moment will be lived and felt to the fullest. Without any evaluation or judgment. In complete acceptance of yourself and everything around you as it is. And gratitude for the opportunity to feel grief / joy and pain / pleasure, which are an integral part of existence.

That's it. I shared what I live myself, what I wish you. In fact, accepting yourself-life is much easier than resisting yourself. And certainly more enjoyable.

How to love yourself? Now many people, before coming to a psychologist, read a large number of psychology books. And as a result, their life difficulties are not only not solved, but even, on the contrary, become even more significant. And then a person comes to a psychologist with a question: “I realized that I probably need to learn to love myself, but not a single book could give me a clear answer to the question of how to do this.”

Why am I all this, and to the fact that when there are psychological problems, reading books on psychology is more harmful than useful. This is exactly the case about which the biblical hero Solomon spoke:

“There is much sorrow in much wisdom; and whoever increases knowledge, increases sorrow.” (Ecc. 1:18)

The main reason that psychological knowledge from books does not help people is due to the fact that our own unconscious is not subject to us. Without a guide, which is a psychologist, a person, most likely, will forever stray in the three pines of his life's difficulties. There is only one effective way to love yourself. He goes through work with a personal psychologist in order to get to know the real himself, and having learned, accept and love. Otherwise, alas, no way.

In my opinion, in the matter of acceptance and self-love in an efficient way will - the passage of long-term personal therapy. Of course, there are trainings, exercises, but they have a short-term effect. It is like removing a symptom, and in personal therapy it is a search for the reason why this symptom arose. It does not matter what kind of psychotherapy technique will be, the main thing is that it helps, that it brings relief.

Knowing yourself through personal therapy can be compared to learning to dive underwater in the very depths of the ocean. Diving training takes place in stages - first on land they teach how to breathe with scuba gear, how to move in water, then they move on to practice in water, but they start from a shallow depth and gradually go deeper and deeper. Throughout the training, there is always a trainer nearby who will help you learn how to dive.

Personal therapy works in a similar way. From session to session, you dive deeper and deeper into yourself, you get to know yourself and begin to understand “Who I am”. And in the depths there is always something unknown that can scare. With each dive into yourself, a psychotherapist is present nearby, who helps to overcome this depth and brings your meeting with your “I” closer.

Immersion in yourself is a meeting with yourself. Meeting with that part of ourselves that was rejected and hidden in our depths. The “bad” part is always rejected, in which there is a lot of resentment, anger, disappointment, envy, shame, guilt, fears, anxiety, failures. A person cannot consist only of the “good” part. It is very important to understand that there is both "good" and "bad" in us, and it is all "I", which makes us a holistic person.

After the rejected parts of the self have been discovered, the process of acceptance takes place. Because discovering is one thing, but accepting that you can consist of “bad” and “good” is not always easy and pleasant. Self-acceptance in personal therapy sessions comes through the experience of the relationship with the therapist.

We have a pattern of relationships that we extend to all of our relationships with the outside world. This pattern comes from childhood, formed through the experience of relationships with close people (parents, brothers / sisters, relatives). And this pattern is projected onto the therapeutic relationship, which is a "mirror".

There is a strong stereotype among people that self-love is a sign of selfishness. This is the biggest misconception! Love is equal to self-acceptance, feeling has nothing to do with selfishness. Self-acceptance makes a person more confident, bolder, kinder, in the course of personal growth they become better relationship with those around you. How to accept yourself? What needs to be done for this?

Self love is a vital necessity

Why should you accept yourself the way you are? True self-love is caring. How to determine that I do not accept myself? Main features:

1. Criticism of one's own appearance. Dislike for your body, dissatisfaction with even the smallest details, for example, a mole above the lip or a snub nose.
2. Constantly comparing yourself to other people. In some situations, this will be the norm, but if personal success regularly seems insignificant compared to others, then this is a sign of self-dislike.
3. The people around you come first. “Oleg is smarter”, “Olga is more beautiful”, “Inga is more successful”.
4. It's hard to express your opinion. It seems that it will not be accepted, ridiculed, it does not deserve attention.
5. Most decisions are made based on the interests of other people. Their needs are ignored, the desires of parents, children, spouse are put forward.

How to start developing love

Psychology has many self-acceptance techniques in store. How to accept and love yourself? Where to begin? To begin with, you should familiarize yourself with the following principles healthy personality. These include:

1. A person with healthy self-esteem recognizes his negative traits. Each of us has the right to be ourselves, even the most successful people imperfect.
2. It is important to learn not to take difficulties personally. In most cases, troubles happen by coincidence, and not our fault.
3. We begin to love ourselves here and now, and not in the future. No need to wait for the moment when we lose weight, become a star, earn a lot of money. We rejoice in the present. Isn't there anything good in it?
4. Remove guilt. Even if a mistake is made, it is worth treating it as an experience.

Video: Advice from psychologist Irina Udilova

Instructions for action

How can I accept myself for who I really am? Are there any mechanics or instructions? A lot of information can be found in the psychological literature. This is Louise Hay, Erich Fromm and others. Let's try to collect their recommendations in a small instruction.

To be loved, you need to know yourself from the good side. Take a blank sheet of paper, divide it into two halves. On one side, describe your positive traits, on the other, everything that you don’t like. Negative Traits tear, tear and burn. Positive features write it out in a frame and read it every day.

What was I like five years ago? What have I achieved? How did I grow personally? What have you learned during this time? Praise yourself for any success or achievement.

Louise Hay advises to accept yourself as a person. Her advice:

1. Let go of self-criticism. It is not constructive and has nothing to do with you. Often we come up with shortcomings for ourselves and cannot really evaluate ourselves from the outside.
2. Mastering new way thinking. Praise for any achievement, switch to a positive attitude. We say nice words to ourselves for every little thing.
3. Let's start taking care of our bodies. Improper nutrition, refusal of sports are signs of dislike for yourself. This is a kind of armor that does not allow you to accept your personality and body.
4. Get closer to the mirror. Look into your eyes, show your feelings. At least once a day, say: “Well done! I managed!".

To accept yourself means to enjoy life, beauty, animals, other people, your unique personality.

How can you accept yourself the way you are? It is worth looking around and analyzing your relationships with other people. It is worth gradually moving away from communication with negative people, after communication with which one feels fatigue and emptiness.

Looking for people who will bring joy, energy to life, support and give a desire to develop. Groups of like-minded people, support on the Internet help.

There are several habits that weaken self-love. What are these habits?

1. The desire to be perfect in everything. The desire to be the best is commendable, but such an approach leads to comparisons. "Julia has achieved more", "Anton has more opportunities." The habit causes tension and self-criticism.
2. Always agree with other people without considering your own needs. There is no need to be afraid to discover a discrepancy of views, to say “no”.
3. Endure hardship, bad attitude. If you have been offended, do not be silent. It is necessary to delineate the boundaries of what is permitted. “You can’t do this with me, I love myself, so I won’t endure it.”

Video: Webinar by psychologist Nina Rubshtein "How to love yourself"

To consolidate your successes, it is worth continuing spiritual growth enjoy life and unlock your potential. Enjoy communication, look for talents in yourself, interact with the world and get a new experience of self-love.