What is a closed person. Types of human character

In dealing with the outside world, people are very different. Someone vividly reacts to current events and can talk for hours about everything in the world, while someone is stingy with emotions and rarely knows what and when to say.

How to define closedness

Open, sociable people are called extroverts, their opposite is introverts. The latter often live in harmony with themselves and do not worry because of their isolation - they are comfortable in solitude. But this is far from always the case: the peculiarities of behavior and character bring unsociable people a lot of inconvenience. If a person is uncomfortable being the way he is, psychological problems appear. To get rid of them, serious work is required on oneself.

How does closure manifest itself? Uncommunicative person:

• has difficulty expressing feelings and thoughts;
• does not know how to defend his point of view;
• has difficulty understanding others and empathizing with them;
• does not know how to make new acquaintances;
• afraid to offend the interlocutor or be misunderstood.

Difficulties interacting with others

Closed people often do not make the impression they expect. This makes it inconvenient when interviewing for a job and meeting new people. Lack of a smile and monosyllabic answers are perceived as unwillingness to communicate, while often it is a question of inability. A quiet, uncommunicative person would like to show himself on the other side, but he does not have the necessary skills: he does not know how to talk about trifles, does not have time to respond to a joke, or does not understand at all that the interlocutor is ironic.

Unsociable people find it difficult to make friends. It's good to have a childhood friend who accepts you for who you are. But making new friends becomes difficult: how do you open up to strangers if you're not used to it? In a new company, introverts are silent, afraid to say something inappropriate or fear that their story will seem uninteresting.

People who experience communication difficulties find it difficult to find their soul mate. Everyone around meets, falls in love and gets married, and you are left alone? Modesty, secrecy, inability to win over the one you like makes you literally invisible to the object of adoration. You can convince yourself for a long time of the need to take the first step, but still do not dare to take it - because of the fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, etc.

These situations bring a lot of frustration and pain. It is not your fault that you were born or became like this - isolation and lack of sociability have a lot of reasons.

Reasons for isolation

Many people ask themselves: “Why am I a closed and uncommunicative person?”. Here are just a few of the most common reasons:

• heredity: self-doubt is transmitted at the genetic level. If one of the closest relatives is distinguished by isolation and unsociableness, you could inherit these qualities from them;
• upbringing in childhood: parents make mistakes that leave a deep imprint in the mind of a person even in adulthood. Constant prohibitions, refusals, pulling lead to the fact that the child begins to be embarrassed by the manifestations of his personality and hides his individuality deep inside. And vice versa: excessive praise of the child and statements that he is the very best lead him to conflict with the outside world in the future: he sees that many do something better than him, and because of this he withdraws into himself;
• social environment: in early age the child may suffer from the ridicule of the surrounding children, inappropriate remarks from educators or teachers; young consciousness is vulnerable, and even a trifle deprives a person of self-confidence. As adults, we experience constant pressure from society to tell us what to do and how to do it. Relatives, employers and other people often crush our interests, aspirations and views for themselves. Feeling like “something not like that,” a person closes, becomes quiet and humble;
• bad relationship experience: if the first love ended in a difficult breakup, if the chosen one acted ugly with you or did not reciprocate your feelings at all, self-esteem is under attack.

I am a professional psychologist with experience in solving problems related to personal growth. If you're struggling to become more outgoing and can't get over your introversion, I can help. . I conduct consultations in a private office in the center of Moscow and online with the help of. Anonymous and confidential

Resentment, fear, self-doubt, arrogance - all these are reasons for isolation. It's about about the conflict with the outside world, about the feeling of inconsistency with him. Psychology highlights the media as another factor influencing the lack of sociability. A constant stream of information - both positive and negative - dissolves in itself. Reading the blogs of popular people and seeing how bright they live, you begin to be too critical of your own life and, as a result, seem uninteresting and useless to yourself. And the abundance of information about terrorist attacks, wars, environmental disasters and other difficult events leads to a depressed, quiet, intimidated state. Feeling weak and helpless, a person closes in on himself. You can become a victim of mass communications even in adulthood.

To cope with isolation, people buy thematic books, attend group trainings, practice auto-training, try to communicate more and more often. But lack of communication is a symptom, while its causes are many. You cannot remove the symptom without addressing the cause. Looking for an answer, a person may mistakenly think that he has found the very problem. If it turns out not to be her, he will lose a lot of time and will never cope with the complexes.

Help from a psychologist

How to deal with isolation if you want to let new people into your life? Sometimes your own efforts are not enough, and the attempts made are ineffective, which worsens the situation. In this case, the help of a psychologist is required. The specialist will ask about everything that worries you, listen to your fears and concerns. Together with a psychotherapist, you will see the reason for failures in communication with people. Sometimes one consultation is enough to understand how to behave in order to stop being withdrawn and uncommunicative. If the situation is difficult, more meetings will be required.

As a professional, I am ready to deal with the situation with you and help you learn to communicate with people easily and with pleasure. Communication brings happiness, it is an indispensable element of social life - let's take a step towards it together!

True, before embarking on decisive action, it is necessary to delve deeper into the problem: to understand what isolation is, how it manifests itself and what can provoke it. Once you can clearly define all this, the work of eliminating this deficiency will become much easier.

What is closure?

It is not for nothing that we called isolation a disadvantage. The fact is that it gives a person a lot of problems. It is difficult for him to make contact with the outside world, which means that he does not receive love, emotions, experience and many other components of life that an open person receives.

Closure can be described as a kind of obsession with any things, events, patterns of behavior, thinking or perception of the world around. Most often, it occurs as a response to a certain event in life. Based on the received negative experience, a person predicts the development of each subsequent event and does not even try to apply other behaviors. Thus the problem is not resolved.

Every day a closed person moves away from the outside world more and more, losing any connection with the former environment. This changes his ability to communicate with other people, build business and friendships.

Reasons for isolation

• Fear
• Resentment
• Uncertainty
• Arrogance

All of them are the result of specific negative situations that did not find a logical explanation and solution at the right time.

Fear breeds distrust. A person withdraws into himself, because he believes that this is the safest position. It is worth recognizing that this is a delusion, because such a person does not even need to be intentionally offended. Resentment against everything and everyone is a logical result of constant detachment from the outside world.

Since it is difficult for a closed person to share his experiences with others, resentment accumulates in him, not finding a natural outlet. It slowly destroys the soul and the worst result can be anger and a desire for revenge.

Low self-esteem, self-doubt prevent a person from making contact with others. He believes that he does not deserve a good life, because he does not meet too high standards, most often far-fetched. In this case, closure becomes the most simple solution. Since it is easier than trying to achieve certain goals or reconsider your requirements.

Oddly enough, but pride often becomes the cause of isolation. But this is more likely not a personal choice of a person, but a forced state. Since he, with his disrespect for the outside world, drives himself into loneliness to other people. As a result, they begin to bypass him and he has no other choice.

How to get rid of isolation?

The first step to curing any illness is recognizing it. You need to realize that this is an unhealthy and unnatural condition that prevents you from fully living and enjoying life. There are several techniques to help you get on the path to recovery.

Autotraining

This is a relatively new technique, which today is at the peak of popularity among people who want to achieve success in life. There is an opinion that a person is able to create himself and his own destiny through positive thoughts and specific attitudes.

Try talking to yourself about the same people around you. Nothing worse or better than you. No one is trying to humiliate you, offend or ridicule you. They are just as worried strangers and important meetings.

Regular practice will help you convince your mind and gradually solve the problem of isolation.

Go ahead

This technique will require a lot of courage from you. Its essence is to do exactly what causes fear in you. Are you afraid to meet on the street? Do it constantly. Practice shows that within a very short time, fears recede and a person becomes more open to society.

The main thing is to recognize the problem and strive to solve it. Use everything possible ways in order to improve your life, because you have one. If you can’t do it yourself, contact the experts.

Question to a psychologist

Why, being in a company of more than 4 people, do I begin to close in on myself and become silent?

Psychologists Answers

Hello, Natasha. You are closing because you start to feel less interesting, less significant, less perfect, less original. Your self-esteem starts to move downward and you close. , spent on each interlocutor, decreases four times (according to the laws of mathematics). including, and attention to you decreases. Perhaps someone else, more talkative, interrupts him. And you begin to consider this dynamic, changing, chaotic, spontaneous structure as neglect of you. Then your vague fears about yourself are instantly confirmed, resentment arises due to ( rejection invented by you) and you become isolated. Under any circumstances, take yourself for the most beloved and adored. And you will see that everything will be different. This can be understood in more detail only during full-time work. Optimism to you!

Hello Natasha.

Low self-esteem leads to insecurity and timidity. You are afraid to be not up to par, afraid of condemnation. In order to become the mistress of your life, you must love yourself, not compare with others, you are special and unique. Each of us knows how to do something better than others. Try to find your own strengths. Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, how you see yourself and who you think you are. Good luck to you.

Hello Natasha! A rather interesting and laconic question "why?", to which one really wants to answer "Because ...." and quote a textbook on psychology, perhaps several chapters, but ... If only everything were so simple and understandable, but each person is individual, and each has its own "because ...". Why do you think? With all people, or only with relatives, or only with strangers, or with some specific ones? At a party or at work? when you need to say something or be silent? and there are many such questions. Try to analyze all such questions, and, most likely, if you are honest with yourself, you will find the answer yourself. If it does not work out, contact a specialist, he will definitely help clarify.

You have changed, Alyosha. Gray is rubbish. Before, you were like a house with all the doors and windows open, but now this house is boarded up.

V. Azhaev. Far from Moscow

Closure as a quality of personality - a tendency to block one's mind, feelings and mind from third-party influence, to show isolation from communication, to move away from interaction with others .

The word "closure" abstract meaning introduced into the Russian dictionary by the critic V.G. Belinsky. Applied to human nature it received a specific metaphorical reflection in I.S. Turgenev in the "Diary extra person":"... I'm generally not stupid; Thoughts sometimes even come into my head, rather amusing, not quite ordinary; but since I am an extra person and with lock inside, then it’s terrifying for me to express my thought, especially since I know in advance that I will express it badly. It even sometimes seems strange to me how people talk, and so simply, freely ... What a agility, think about it. That is, to confess to say, and I have, despite my lock, often itched tongue; but I really uttered the words only in my youth, and in my more mature years, almost every time I managed to break myself. I’ll say, sometimes, in an undertone: “But we’d better keep quiet for a while,” and calm down. We are all ready for silence ... "

Closure can be a conscious choice life path corresponding to the natural manifestations of human nature. Many introverts, by the nature of their nature, simply do not like public hustle and bustle, they do not want to be public, in front of everyone and on hearing. They find a comfortable, quiet haven in their inner world. They are not bored by themselves. You can’t blame them for weakness, insecurity or fear. Such people simply do not need an environment that steals their precious time in empty conversations. A vivid example of this is Isaac Newton, who was locked up for everyone. He didn't have any friends. What kind of communication to talk about if a scientist forgot to sleep and eat? During his work, Newton was able to completely disconnect from the life around him. They say that once he was found in the kitchen in front of a pot of boiling water, where the clock was being cooked, while Newton himself was intently looking at the egg clutched in his hand. From the outside, the great scientist looked closed in on himself. In fact, behind his reticence was an incredible concentration of thought on the object under study. The best connoisseur of Newton's biography, Richard Westfall, wrote: “The more I study him, the more Newton moves away from me. I'm lucky in different time to be acquainted with many brilliant people, whose intellectual superiority I do not hesitate to acknowledge. But I have not yet met anyone with whom I could not measure myself - you can always say: I am equal to his half, or his third, or a quarter, but some fraction will always come out. My research on Newton finally convinced me that it is useless to measure anyone with him. For me, he became an absolute Other, one of a tiny handful of higher geniuses who gave meaning to the concept of human intelligence; a person irreducible to the criteria by which we evaluate our own kind.

Closure is a defensive line of the human psyche from the harmful influences of the outside world. As a rule, a closed person is hard to get along with people, does not get along in a team, is distrustful, extremely selective in friendship and friendship, pessimistic and gloomy. A number of reasons make a person closed: the fear of being rejected, misunderstood or ridiculed, fear of condemnation, previous derogatory statements addressed to him, low self-esteem, the inability or unwillingness to look at the situation that has arisen optimistically, in a new way. Often a person shows isolation in order to be with himself or to protect himself from the harmful influence of the outside world. Sometimes a person, having been burned by betrayal, treason, hangs a “barn lock” on the door of “Openness”. Forgetting about forgiveness, he cultivates resentment and rancor. In contrast to lack of sociability, which boils down to a lack of disposition to communicate, to the formation of emotional ties, both in one's own group and outside it, isolation can also manifest itself in other areas of life besides communication: in words, deeds, in the way of life in general.

Closure is a shutter from the outside world. Outwardly, a person can demonstrate sociability, but at the same time keep the interlocutor at a distance. As he does not seek to reduce the distance, he constantly runs into "anti-tank hedgehogs" of verbal and non-verbal signals about remoteness, coldness and inaccessibility. The entrance to the personal space of a closed person is securely closed. About others ad infinitum, but not a word about myself. A peculiar, I must say, openness. You will talk with such a person for a couple of hours, and then you will be surprised to realize that you know nothing about him. One girl writes that R Previously, isolation prevented her from living: “And now I accept myself as I am. Now I am a rather sociable person, but I still live in my own world, into which I do not let anyone in. In general, I feel more comfortable alone than in the company, even if they are my closest friends. But really, sometimes you have to deal with very personal issues. I'm not lying, I'm just answering correctly that I don't intend to tell anything, and I don't want to talk about it. Friends used to take offense at me because of this, they took it personally, but over time they got used to it.

From the point of view of the development of the mind, men have a more closed, static nature than women. The male mind says, "I know how to live." It is difficult for a man to redirect according to fate, to reach out to his mind. It is no coincidence that the vast majority of audiences engaged in learning how to live the right way are women. Possessing high sensitivity, sparkling mobility and maneuverability of the mind, they willingly listen to advice, easily make changes in life, and make decisions quickly. One good lecture can turn the mind of a woman, radically change her life position. With a man, such a number will not work. He needs time to carefully understand everything and move his psyche from its familiar place. A man is reluctant to listen to other people's opinions. Closing in his inner world, he feels comfortable in union with his straightforward, ossified mind. Therefore, women should take into account such a feature of the male psyche as a certain isolation of the mind and not blame their husbands for a slow response to the challenges of life. Under no circumstances should you mock a man, demanding that he quickly overcome the isolation of his mind and begin to act. It is necessary, without obtrusiveness, to inspire the husband to a different understanding of things. Moreover, this must be done delicately and tactfully, so that he gets the impression that he himself came to this idea. The finale of the action, when he says: "Yes, I have known this for a long time."

The manifested personality traits are directly related to diseases. So, isolation leads to chronic inflammatory processes in the kidneys. Internal stiffness and tension caused by isolation causes spasms of the kidney vessels. As a result, the adrenal glands are overexcited. In addition, isolation is the cause of increased intracranial pressure. In other words, it “gives” a person hypertension.

Petr Kovalev 2013

Hello, I'm straight to the point.

I always grew up a reserved and completely unsociable child. I never talked to anyone, did not communicate, I was always modest, shy and downtrodden. I was always forced to communicate by literally dragging me by the hand into crowded places. For me to ask something from someone, even something from the seller in the store - it was always an almost unrealistic thing.

I lived somewhere in my world, in the world of my hobbies, fantasies of ideas. I loved to read and read a lot, from early childhood. He loved loneliness, isolation, doing something and making things alone. Studying was very easy for me - both at school and at the university, but communication with peers was a terrible hell. In the society of people, it was as if there was a stranglehold on me from the inside, I felt great discomfort, pressure, heat on my face.

So I lived for 28 years. Good grades, good studies, university, job. I have always been appreciated for my ability to find a way out of many situations and efficiency - I was easily given the work for two, for three people in the department. I can’t say that I was satisfied with my life - looking around, I was always unbearably hurt by how easily people live around, guys, girls.

Nevertheless, I had AT LEAST SOMETHING OF OWN in my life, I held on to at least something here, even if I was lonely, closed, but I had at least some kind of life.

And if I only knew what would happen, I would rethink my position, reevaluate my life, calm down and be glad that I have a lot, much more than many people in this world.

Three years ago, I somehow liked a girl from work - and she began to drag me. To drag into people, into communication, into the street, to provoke active actions. She was very sweet and kind to me, so much so that I first began to have romantic feelings that grew stronger and stronger and eventually grew into love, so strong that I was ready to do anything for her. She always gave such a close, joyful and sensual answer that I had the feeling that this was complete reciprocity, that this was real mutual love and strong feelings.

This period changed me a lot. Feeding on the feeling of love, I then traveled an unrealistically long way, almost impossible for me. In fact, I learned to live again, but in the real world with real people. Now it seems incredible - but it happened - from a closed, sad, indecisive guy, in about a year I turned into a very cheerful and sociable person, able to support any conversation, able to experience the joy of communication, others helped me in this, they said that I was all in vain this time was so closed that I have good feeling humor. But most importantly, for the first time in my life, I felt like a real person, worthy of life, equal to the rest. I became a VERY sociable person, I approached people on the streets and asked, asked, asked, talked at work, at bus stops, in lines. Very soon I crossed the threshold ordinary person, I was not only indistinguishable from the rest, but on the contrary - I began to take the initiative in almost all aspects of my life, then I really had a clean, clear head, my working capacity increased even more, and the sensations of intimacy with a girl brought life and goodwill to people to such a level that I no longer had any doubts about the worthiness of human life here, and there was not even a drop of regret that such a huge period of time was lost and lived in vain.

I then lived the life of a happy person and made plans that are usually made by those who have found themselves and happy people- for self-development, for family, for children, for the future. Due to success at work, my salary was raised and I even allowed myself the courage to make plans that I could only dream of - I bought a house, changed my car, took care of myself, because there were a lot of requirements from the girl.

Over time, I began to notice that something was eating me up from the inside. That sometimes there is not enough strength. That I've taken on too much now. I began to notice that I was VERY deceived in my feelings - because in communication with me she could suddenly become very cold. Some trifles, her calls, meetings with friends began to cut strongly from the inside. One day, unable to cope with the contradictions that corrode me, I confessed my feelings - then it seemed to me that if not reciprocity, then one third of my feelings are on the other side. After all, such long hugs and caresses during meetings must have meant something. We didn't have sex.

It was a very difficult life period, several months, much more difficult than my entire previous life. I found out that I'm just a friend, very good friend that I really like, but I'm just one of the few that I need to take more initiative. Here, you know, I would be ready to make any effort if it were not so painful to realize that you are not alone. That such meetings and caresses she gives to many and calls it simply friendship. That she does not love anyone and still misses the guy who left her in her heart. That while I was trying to change myself to suit her requests for the perfect "prince" she was having sex with a man I know intimately.

It was scary and no words can describe it. Within a few months, my life completely collapsed before my eyes. It was painful, very painful, there were a lot of tears (I forgot to say that since childhood I am a very sensitive person), there were incessant weeks of despair, pain and crying. For some reason, then I turned everything on myself, that I could not, did not correspond, was not worthy. I don’t want to think about it now, because even now, under antipsychotics, painful feelings erupt again in me. I went very far then, there was a suicide attempt.

The point is, I lost everything. And what was - working capacity, respect for colleagues, his personal support in life - and what he acquired. Then I began this search, the search for truth, meaning, I read a lot of literature on psychology, spiritual development, and philosophy. I tried to understand why it is so, why people are like that, I tried to find myself, to find where the "I" is in this organism. Why is this happening. Why evil is born where no one wishes harm to anyone. I asked myself a lot of questions and looked for answers to them.

For about a year, I was completely disillusioned with life. Studying the nature of the world, the living, people, men, women - I did not see anything good and worthy here. I realized that no one needs feelings and is not important, that right now you can go and hurt others and nothing will happen for it - pain is just information in the brains of others and nowhere else is it taken into account and is not important. Studying and observing the laws of life around, I realized that there is no love - it's just an idea, a comforting idea that you can keep in touch with you only for what you are. For every "love" I saw around, I saw the reasons, I saw what exactly keeps these or those people together.

I did not see anything good and worthy either in the laws of the world, or within myself, or in people, anywhere. There is nothing to show me and tell me - your pain is for this. There is nothing I personally have to show other, more unhappy and sick people - and say - all the pain for the sake of it. There is nothing worth living here. For about two months I lived in complete apathy, when I didn’t even have the strength to suffer further, I lived just an insensitive piece of meat.

Approximately in this state, I was met and picked up by a person who had not yet lost the joy of life and passion for life and helped me a lot, became at least some kind of example and model for me, took me to the doctors, started treating serious, then psychosomatics, then to a psychiatrist. I lashed out a few times and had my doses adjusted.

After almost a year of antidepressants, neuroleptics, and antipsychotics, I began to slowly return to the human state. I still did not see the point and thought about suicide, but I somehow lived. The state of the body, mood - improved - but the soul remained sick forever. Somewhere deep inside I really want to just die, the only difference is that now life is not in danger. I stopped blaming anyone, refused to stick labels of guilt, good and evil at all, became a calm, kind and gentle person. Unable to stop the search I once started, I still try to see and find something in life, around, in people, in myself.

When I saw that I was returning to my original state, as before this whole story, at first I was delighted. If you can live this life like this, I will only be glad. I saw myself, my future precisely in this - just living out my life, a philosopher who was disillusioned with life.

I have one problem - this state dilutes that nasty and hypocritical feeling when I have to demonstrate that everything is fine with me - otherwise there will be too much attention and questions for me. I can’t pacify the craving for communication in any way - it’s very easy to involve me in some kind of lively event and there I will demonstrate cheerfulness, while in the depths of my soul a real hell and nightmare reigns. And me and those around me are already annoyed by such a state of mine - when I cannot boast that everything is fine with me, but it is very easy to extract joyful feelings from me and this creates misunderstanding - it seems that at other moments I pretend that everything is bad with me. And in fact, everything is bad inside me, but it is very easy to lead me to positive communication.

I want to completely withdraw into myself, to become as before - withdrawn and uncommunicative. That will be more honest.
Has anyone gone through this path of isolation from the world? Where did you find yourself?