What to do if a man does not want to marry? A man does not want to marry: excuses for marriage If a man lives, he does not marry.

Have you ever wondered why men who, almost foaming at the mouth, proved to you that they do not believe in marriage, that they will never marry and will not part with freedom because of their convictions, suddenly get married? True, not on you ...

The depth of resentment of a woman who has been waiting for an offer for several years, tried with all her might to please, to convince that a better wife than she cannot be found, it is difficult to measure. And besides resentment, there is also wounded vanity, offended pride ... In general, there is no limit to grief! And the question remains: Why? Why did he marry someone else when he convinced me for so long that he did not want to marry at all? That's it - convinced YOU. Maybe there is a reason for this, that is, in you?

There is nothing wrong or wrong with wanting to get married. There is nothing to be shy or hide! But from the very beginning of your relationship, you need to find out what your man thinks about this? And if he has diametrically opposed views, leave before it's too late!

There are many cases when, having lived in a civil marriage for several years and having waited, when, finally, an offer will be made to formalize the relationship, a woman realizes that she is waiting in vain. Years have passed, illusions have been dispelled, the expectation of family happiness was in vain. And a man who, at first glance, is quite satisfied with both the woman next to him and living together, answers one thing to all hints and even direct questions: “I’m not ready!”

Such excuses can work for decades. In some of these civil marriages, the children have already gone to school, but he is still not ready to take responsibility and become a legal husband and father. Psychologists assure that if during the year of a stable relationship a man does not have a desire to marry, then such a desire and need is unlikely to arise at all. You can, of course, put him in a difficult position, attract relatives, public opinion and force him to put a stamp in his passport. But it is unlikely that this will bring you the desired happiness.

For a normal real man, meeting a woman with whom he would like to live his life is such a significant event that he simply does not remember whether he is ready or not for a legal marriage. For him, there is only one desire - not to lose, to keep this woman for himself, and in order to achieve this goal, he is ready to marry, get married - do everything to keep her, gain the full right to be with her and consider her his own.

But if you have to wait until your beloved “ripens”, moreover, wait a year, two, three ... it is most reasonable to stop this fruitless waiting and find that man who will really love you and will not calculate what is more expensive for him - a clean passport or you. Ask yourself - what are you waiting for, what are you spending years on? Are you so unsure of yourself, and are you afraid that, having lost this man, you will be left alone? Or do you love him with such strength that you are ready for anything, just to be there? If so, then calm down and wait.

But what will you do if sooner or later (and this is very likely), your man will be the first to initiate a breakup? Think of yourself, love yourself, respect your feelings. If you can do this, then your life will change for the better. You will definitely meet such a man who dreams of marrying you, and will not hesitate to achieve this!

According to the latest census, there were almost 20 percent more married women than married men. Yes, indeed, according to a survey, 92 percent of women who are in a civil marriage consider themselves married, but at the same time, 85 percent of men consider themselves single. It turns out that a man living in a civil marriage confidently reports that he is free, while a woman in this position assures that she is married. It suits you? Surely not!

Every woman dreams of certainty, of feeling desired and the only one, and not a cohabitant, passing an endless trial period for the right to be called a legal wife. Respect yourself and your feelings. And if you are really dear to your chosen one, he will very quickly feel it and come to you with an offer. But now it's up to you to decide whether he is worthy of you and your consent!

The general conclusion: women are trying to demonstrate how good they are, and are ready to give men everything for free, and they will also give money from above. This is why men don't get married. There is everything and just like that! Why change something if it works?

Women think that cohabitation is a demo version of a wife, and men just accept everything as it is. Although free cheese always guarantees that the mousetrap will close soon, and most men suspect it. Nevertheless, they shoot back to the last as they can.
Read the article to the end, and you will be ready for any excuses.

By the way, if you have been together for a long time, he loves you, and maybe even promises to marry, but does not marry in any way - this article with detailed instructions is for you:
And now for the excuses.

TOP men's excuses from the wedding

Not ready.
The most popular excuse. How to cook it, is it really like borscht? Some women wait for years, then they can’t stand it and leave themselves, or the man still leaves on his own, and six months later he is already married to another. Surely each of you in your environment has similar examples.

Not ready - translated into human means: "I love you, but not so much to go to the registry office." Yes, and all the other excuses mean about the same thing. What to do with it, I will tell at the end of the article.

Everyone lives like this, we are not in the Stone Age, so that everything is only after the wedding.
Yeah, everyone lives in scandals and divorces, sawing their husbands and cheating on each other, should we live like this now too?

The stamp means nothing.
So why not put this stamp? Imagine how easy it is to make me happier by giving away nothing!

Why should we get married, we are doing well anyway?
I'm fine with you, but it's bad in the status of a cohabitant. Since we're doing really well, why don't we get married?

You do not need a person, but a stamp in your passport!
Without a stamp, you don't need me, don't you appreciate me? The same thing if he, for example, said: “Do you need my loyalty or me? Without fidelity, you don't need me? Love me unfaithful or drown home! Do you need my care or me? My sex or me?

The same thing if a woman said: “Do you need my tenderness or me? My borscht or me? My beauty or me? So you can remove the entire skin by scales, and nothing will remain of the person.

Women need certainty and stability. Official registration just gives some guarantees and protection to a woman. It's not about the stamp and not the wedding, but the attitude. By registering a marriage, a man declares to the whole world that you are his woman, and no one has the right to claim you. He proves by deed that he made the final choice and wants to spend the rest of his days with you and no one else.

In general, if he tells you so, in some cases you can think about it. Sometimes a woman is so obsessed with the idea of ​​​​a wedding that she is absolutely indifferent to what kind of person is next to her. Let's get married and figure it out, he will change - she naively believes. A very vividly similar situation is shown in the humorous video at the end of the article. It is unlikely that they will succeed in a happy family ...

First you need to earn money for an apartment and a car.
At first glance, this approach may seem responsible. But do you live with him somewhere? You don’t need your own apartment for cohabitation, but do you need it for a wedding? It's time to leave, since they have not yet earned money to create a family.

No money for a wedding.
Registration of marriage at the time of this writing costs 350 rubles, if desired, you can add a dress for the bride and a suit for the groom, but not necessarily. If a man claims that he wants a wedding "like people", and you suspect that it's not a wedding at all, but a reluctance, then you can say that you don't need a wedding, the main thing for you is to be his wife, not a cohabitant.

Is any wedding more important to him than the peace and happiness of his beloved woman? If this was a real reason (which is unlikely, because usually women dream of a wedding, but not men), then he will agree to simply sign.

Why do we need to notify the state that we are sleeping together?
Tell him that this is exactly what you want - to notify the state and the whole world that you now only sleep with each other and with no one else, because you are a family, and not just like that.

A good deed is not called a marriage.
And we won't call it a marriage, let's call it a family!

I'm not worthy of you, you need another man.
And the woman begins to kill herself, proving to him that he underestimates himself and quite deserves a lot for himself, including her. But in fact, this is a classic way of parting. Most likely, he wants to say: “We need to leave, our relationship has long been over for me, I have decided everything.” But he does not want to humiliate the woman with this, so he tries to give her a chance to leave on her own. The best reaction to this is: “Sorry, I didn’t think so. But since you have decided so, then as you wish, dear ”- and proudly go into the sunset.

First you get pregnant, then we get married.
I painted about the horrors of pregnancy without registering a marriage in colors.
Marriage is not only about children. People get married, thus proving to each other that from now on they enjoy life together and overcome difficulties, they divide everything in half. A man takes responsibility for a woman, thereby proving that he is worthy of her giving birth to a child for him, because he is able to take it all out. Giving birth to a child is not as easy as sneezing, so a man will first have to prove his readiness not only in words.

I made an offer and that was it.
Yielding to an impulse, or under the pressure of a girl, a man can propose and give a ring. And even talk about wedding plans. But then everything subsides, and again the same oppressive uncertainty ... To avoid this, in response to his proposal, say that you need time to think. And after a couple of days or hours, or at least minutes, say: “I thought you are the best man in the world, I want to be with you always, and I agree to marry you, will we go to the registry office this week or next? What day is convenient for you? Because promising does not mean getting married, and you risk getting another disappointment.
We will talk more about this in future articles. So subscribe to updates as you like: on VKontakte, or in Telegram , or , and don't miss anything.

My parents are against it.
So, you don’t even have anything to wait for, they are unlikely to change their minds. For him, the opinion of his parents is more important than you, still small. And what makes you think that over time he will stop looking back at them? If you marry him by some miracle, then important decisions in the family will also be made by the advice of the parents, and not by you, and their hatred of you is guaranteed. Are you really ready for this?

I've had my heart broken before, I don't want that again.
Why should you pay for other people's mistakes? He sees you as an enemy waiting for the moment to break his heart. You can prove that you are not a camel ad infinitum, but you hardly have that much time.

Tell him the following: “I tried very hard to make you feel good and forget this wound so that you understand that I am not at all like her. It seems that I did not succeed and for you we are the same. I'm sorry, but I'll have to let you go to seek your happiness, the one that can help you forget about everything. And go into the sunset. If he needs you, he will do anything to get you back. If not, then you would have wasted a lot of time trying unsuccessfully to patch holes in his heart (which may not really exist, because this may be an empty excuse to get you behind).

Now is not the right time.
Mortgage, graduating, getting a promotion, redecorating an apartment... So it's a good time to put the relationship on hold until these long-awaited events are coming.

The stamp will ruin everything.
Yes, this often happens. Reassure him that everything will be different for you, that you will do everything possible so that you have a happy family until old age. Draw him a picture of your ideal family happiness. And really take steps towards this (preferably throughout your life, and not just before the wedding). But don't go too far in front of him - everything has a limit, and if this is an empty excuse, you will still be wasting your time.

I'm still too young, it's too early for me to start a family.
That is, it is not too early to have an actual wife, but is it too early to take responsibility for her? How long to wait? Until you hit 55?

We'll get married if you...
And then there are his conditions. This is worth listening to. If he asks to lose weight or get better, learn how to cook, grow hair, stop yelling at him, make friends with his child from a past relationship, find his inspiring business, and anything that does not break you as a person, then you can and even need to meet him halfway. .

Take it seriously, because for him it may not be an excuse, but a really important circumstance. But if he asks for plastic surgery that you don't need, or to let him go left, or even add a girlfriend to your relationship, then it smells like fried. Do you need a wedding at this price? And don't expect him to change his mind.

I doubt my feelings for you.
Compared to other excuses, this is already an honest answer, practically a guide to action, that it’s better for you to look for another man, because this one is not in love with you. There is a possibility that after parting, he will feel the full power of love for you, and will do everything to return you. But if you are afraid of losing him, you can not leave, he will graciously allow you to serve him further until your patience runs out or he meets his “true love”.

As you can see, almost all excuses say that he is not afraid of losing you and does not really love you. To some extent, he still loves, otherwise he would have left a long time ago, but not much. It is not easy to realize this, but still it is necessary in order to have the opportunity to change something.

I've been in that situation myself and I totally understand how you feel.

Fortunately, I managed to understand all this correctly and marry this amazing, but once absolutely not ready to marry a man with me. Half of the excuses on this list were about us.

For those who want to take their relationship with a man to a new level of love and happiness, and finally marry him on HIS initiative, my husband and I have created a free Happy Bride Quest. We are holding it on Vkontakte. I developed the quest classes based on my experience of consulting and bringing women to the result since 2014. Everything is included only the simplest and most effective, follow the link and sign up for free!

Set a time limit for improving your relationship. For example 3 months. And do your best.

If a man, in spite of everything, does not marry and does not leave, help him decide. Get away from him, move out of the joint housing, break all contacts. If he doesn't really need you, he will breathe a sigh of relief. Then be glad that you didn’t push him to marry, otherwise an unenviable life with an unloving person would have awaited you. But if he feels that he feels bad without you, he will be happy to win you back and make an offer.

Dear women, value and respect yourself first of all, do not live endlessly with a person who does not really need. But also respect him, do not try to push for marriage at all costs, he is an adult living person and knows better what he needs. A broken wedding will not bring happiness to anyone. You will be ashamed to look into his eyes, and he will treat you badly and take revenge for the fact that you put the squeeze on him, and sooner or later he will run away, unless something radically changes in your relationship.

Here is an interview with one of the girls I helped get married in coaching. Her results are impressive and inspiring! And she generously shares her secrets;)

“What if a man does not want to marry? There are no good reasons for this, they meet, everything suits both parties, but they are not in a hurry with the proposal, laugh it off and keep silent”- our beautiful Oksana Chistyakova, the administrator of our Vkontakte group and part-time beautiful girl, asks me a question.

Let's take a look at the situation when a man and a woman live together. And they seem to live well. Love each other. They don't quarrel too much. All they have in sex is normal.

But when the question of registering a marriage comes up, the man begins to laugh it off, postpone the decision of the issue for an indefinite time, is silent or pretends not to hear. Or even begins to push her position to the woman “Why do you need to register a marriage, we already live well. I love you, but the seal in the passport is outdated and will not change anything..

Why is this happening?

What to do in this situation?

First, let's talk about why this happens? Why does a man not want to marry a girl? In principle, I have already written about this more than once, for example, in an article, but recently for consultation and just in the comments under articles on the site or on my blog, this question is being asked more and more often, so let's talk about this in more detail.

I will repeat banal things, but the average man does not at all aspire so strongly to a registered marriage. I hope this is not news to you.

Why does a man need marriage? Marriage is a certain obligation and restriction of freedom in the choice of women. (even if a man does not cheat on a girl. This does not fundamentally change anything)

Official marriage is a woman's right to joint property.

Marriage is potentially the birth of children. And in case of marriage failure, respectively, the need to support them.

Marriage is much greater rights for a woman in dealing with her relatives, friends, etc.

Therefore, I repeat that the average man does not at all strive to marry.

On the other hand, almost all men by the age of 50 have been (or are) in a registered marriage at least once.

Why are they still getting married?

The first reason is that a man loves a woman and wants to continue to communicate with her and live all his life together.

But this, of course, is not enough.

The second reason why a man still marries is that he is afraid of losing this woman if he does not make a marriage proposal.

The third reason is that a man thinks that he will not find a better woman in the event of a breakup.

The fourth reason is that there are some minimum conditions for creating a family.. This is not a required feature. But, nevertheless, usually a man, before getting married, should:

- reach the approximate ideal age for getting married. (25-38 years old approximately)

- you must have a place to start a family (a separate apartment, a separate room with your parents, income to rent an apartment or something similar)

- You and him should be about the same social level.

- a man does not have one or two divorces behind him, where there are 2-3 children whom he supports.

Many girls think that if there is love, then you can get married. In fact, such simple things as those listed above can greatly slow down a man on his way to marriage. If there is love, for example, but nowhere and nothing to live on, then you can meet, love each other, but why get married?

So, let's go back to why a man does not marry for a long time.

If there is love between a man and a woman and everything is fine, then this is only one, obviously insufficient reason for marriage.

One of the main reasons that a man decides to register a marriage is that, in his opinion, otherwise, he will lose a woman. And the second is that in the event of a loss, he will not easily find a woman approximately the same or better. (He may be VERY deeply mistaken about his value to women, but this is not important in this case)

What to do with male sabotage of marriage registration? What to do when a man does not want to marry?

First, don't pull..

The ideal time to resolve the issue of registering a marriage is approximately 6 months to one year after the start of meetings with a man.

Previously, there is usually no sense. (This rarely happens)

But the main thing is not to delay!

Dear ladies, do not drag out the issue of marriage. I know a lot of examples when a woman and a man live together for 4-5 years, and then part.

I think it's clear why you shouldn't pull, but I'll remind you.

First. After a year of relationship, the probability of marriage begins to gradually fall. After all, gradually a man and a woman get bored with each other, some claims against each other accumulate, etc. And by the age of 4-5, the probability of registering a marriage does not disappear at all, but is already close to zero.

Second. Loss of time.

After all, let's say the girl did not succeed with a man. He leaves her when she issues an ultimatum to register the relationship. And it's one thing if this happens after a year of relationship. And quite another, if through 5 years. In 4-5 years, a girl could easily meet a worthy man and get married.

And so it turns out that time passes, and the girl loses this time.

Therefore, never delay with this question. Set yourself an approximate deadline for resolving the issue of marriage - this is somewhere from six months to 1.5 years. (Not a marriage registration, but a marriage proposal). And 1.5 years is really the maximum.

Then it gets worse and worse. The girl comes to terms with her position. A man, on the contrary, gets used to the fact that it is quite possible to live without registering a marriage.

The second is that a conversation with a man should be considered with some probability that he will refuse..

If you think that I or someone else will tell you some magic words, saying which a man will suddenly realize that he was wrong and immediately offer you a hand and heart, then I will tell you the opposite.

There are no such words. Moreover, it is usually impossible to convince a man with logic.

Talking about marriage is just an opportunity to get some certainty in a relationship with a man.

Of course, a man can refuse. I understand that this is not very pleasant. But you need to understand that this is a very likely development of events.

The worst option is when a man refuses in essence, but not directly on the forehead, but refuses with various excuses.

For example:

- well, when the apartment is, then you can play a wedding.- At the same time, the purchase of an apartment is not planned in the coming months, but only theoretically there are some plans for it. Practically nothing is being done.

- I love you so much. Why all these formalities. Basically, it's a denial.

After such a refusal, a girl sometimes thinks that a man misunderstands the importance of registering a marriage for her and tries to convince a man. In this case, a lot of time and emotions are lost.

- A wedding is very expensive. Why throw money away when we need to buy a lot.(apartment, car, etc.) - This is also a refusal in essence. Don't think it's something else.

In other words, don't close your eyes to the truth. Whatever a man says, except “let's get married soon”, without any conditions in the form of buying something or something else (which is not obviously realized in the very near future) - everything else is a refusal.

Third - do not try hard to convince a man.

If a man refused, it means that he refused. In this situation, in fact, one normal option is to break up with a man and look for another. (Exceptions are when a woman is over 40 somewhere, has children and marriage is really secondary)

The second option is to continue to live with a man, in fact, on his terms. Only then is it stupid to continue trying to convince him that he misunderstood something, that he does not understand your needs, what is this, and the fifth, and tenth.

For example, a man makes excuses:

- A wedding is a lot of money.- And the girl is trying to convince him that it will be possible to just sit modestly with relatives and go to the registry office.

- You need to buy an apartment first.- And a woman is trying, for example, to convince him that many families without an apartment start their lives and then somehow solve this problem.

- Wedding and marriage registration is a formality, a piece of paper. - And the woman is trying to convince the man that this is not a piece of paper and a formality for her.

Usually it's all useless.

Because the man, in fact, is not as stupid in this matter as he sometimes pretends to be. He perfectly understands that he does not want to register a marriage. He understands perfectly well that all his words and excuses that delay the registration of marriage are a refusal. And it is clear that he will not let himself be persuaded. Because these are all excuses.

The reason is that he does not want to marry this particular woman. Or at least thinks that she will not get away from him, even if he refuses or will constantly delay this issue.

Therefore, even if you break all his arguments, agree to all his conditions, it will not change anything. Let's say a man says that a wedding is expensive. The woman says that let's do without a wedding at all, the costs are only for registering a marriage, which I myself will pay. Do you think something will change?

Nothing in 99% of cases.

Therefore, it is common to argue, convince, etc. useless.

Fourth - usually a woman starts a conversation about marriage.

Do you think that a man will offer his hand and heart without any pressure from you? This happens, but rarely enough, no matter what movies, girlfriends, etc. would tell you in this matter.

Who needs? Marriage registration is more necessary for a woman. (Except in a few cases, of course)

I repeat that there is no need to be humiliated. No need to beg. No need to threaten to break up, etc. A man who has lived with you for a year or more, and so understands everything perfectly.

Just tell him calmly that it is important for you to register a relationship. And let him run further and offer you a hand and a heart. Well, if not, then read above. It's easier to find someone else.

That, perhaps, is all in a nutshell.

The main thing is to decide on a conversation. And if there is a refusal, in any form, then part with a man and look for another. If this situation is permanent for you, then you need to change something in yourself. Work on self-esteem, parent programs, etc. You can read more in my books in our online store at the link or find out during.

In general, this is one of the moments in a relationship where a woman needs to take the initiative, some kind of determination, courage and firmness.

Otherwise, I repeat, a sad situation can happen when a girl lived with a man for 5 years and then they quietly parted ways with a lot of mutual claims against each other, caused by the fact that the woman was unhappy and offended that the man did not marry her.

It is better for a woman to leave such a man earlier. Even a wedding and then a divorce is better than losing a few years and lowering self-esteem.

Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.

Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.

You have been together for five years, but your chosen one ignores all hints of a wedding? Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky believes that this is a road to nowhere. And tells you what to do.

First, let's understand what marriage is. This institution is thousands of years old, and its origin had nothing to do with love. The concept of love in general arose historically not so long ago - in the Middle Ages. And marriage - it has always been about money, although now we are all used to the fact that a wedding is about love. When a man marries, he assumes the obligation to support his wife and children. Believe me, nothing has changed for thousands of years, and when a couple lives in a so-called civil marriage, this means that the man does not want to be responsible for his woman.

Civil marriage is a myth. Read the family code: it only deals with officially registered relationships. So let's call a spade a spade: if you live with a partner who does not want to marry and comes up with a thousand excuses, you are just his mistress.

Of course, there are exceptions. For example, your man is a three-time widower. And he is afraid that if he marries you, you will also go to another world. But let's face it, this is extremely rare. In all other cases, if a guy does not want to take responsibility for your life, this means that he did not make the final choice, that he is not sure about your relationship or his feelings.

And what to do, you ask? A classic female mistake is to sit and wait tensely. Either shed a tear, or say a taunt, or hint opaquely: “Here, they say, we were at the Petrovs, and they were already married ...” Pressing, persuading - this is all absolutely wrong, this is the behavior of the victim. This is how women behave who have vtemyashili into their heads that the world has come together like a wedge on this man.

Someone resorts to cheap manipulations. For example, your lover sees that you have begun to look at other men, some kind of correspondence appears, calls seem to be at work ... From this, a man can blow his mind, and he will run to the registry office in the morning. But I'm not sure that your marriage will last a lifetime: after all, the man did not make the decision himself, but was subjected to emotional blackmail.

Therefore, I propose another way, simple and clear. If you really love your boyfriend and want to have a family, tell him about it directly. Option one: he is ready, and he proposes to you. Option two: it turns out that your goals do not match. And then you say: "I love you, but I'm leaving you because I want a family, and you can't give it to me." Do you know the Comedy Club joke: “No matter how a girl runs away, she always runs so that she can be caught”? So, this is not your case. You are leaving for good. This is the behavior of an adult with a strong character who builds his own life.

Here they may ask me: “And if I do this, and the man says - don’t leave, I’m getting married!” I wouldn't do business with this man if I were you. He has the wrong motivation. In fact, he does not love you, but is simply afraid to be alone.

Another question: how long to wait from the beginning of a relationship before starting a conversation about marriage? This is a question from the series "what date to sleep on." Which one you want. There are no optimal times. If you feel that you are already ripe for a family, ask a question. The main thing: at this moment you should already live together. If you are just dating, this is generally a story about nothing.